This Is How To Felt To Lose You

Losing you
Drew Coffman

I couldn’t say I was extremely unhappy but I couldn’t say I was relieved either. To be brutally honest, I didn’t know what to feel. It was as if this didn’t happen before. I must’ve forgotten that you’ve already done this and I chose to forgive you only to find out in the end that you were still that same person that broke my heart.

That was it, I probably believed we didn’t have to end.

I always thought I could change you. I always thought that if I loved you enough, maybe you’d have a change of heart and finally learn to love me back. That never happened, not even after you realized I was gone for good. And no, you did not even have the decency to apologize and admit that you’ve made some mistakes yourself. I do not know how you got yourself to believe that it was all my fault. I’ve had my fair share, I must admit, but you never knew and you probably never will, that you have brought so much pain and you made everything else unbearable for me.

What’s really sad is that I actually cared for you, yet it seemed so easy for you to tell me that you don’t. A few weeks ago, you were just telling me how much you needed me. I do not understand how in such little time, your feelings have already changed.

You cannot be bothered to take a phone call. You didn’t care if I got home safely. I didn’t even know where you were. All these signs and I still kept telling myself that maybe you were just too busy, but I was wrong. I trusted you too much that I didn’t even consider that the reason that you were turning cold was that there might’ve been someone else.

I wish I never trusted you.

The night we ended, I felt numb inside. It was probably because it hasn’t sunken in just yet. We’ve had fights before, and although I knew this was different, I still believed that just like all the other fights we’ve had in the past, we’ll get over it and act as if nothing had happened. But then someone else will already be involved. And I do not want you to leave her for me. Because you wouldn’t have found her in the first place if you didn’t go looking. And I knew it, that you didn’t want me anymore.

That’s all it took for it to end. I haven’t cried my eyes out but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt, because it does. It really does. And I keep telling myself that it isn’t and will never be my loss because why should it be when you never even really loved me. But who am I kidding? I loved you so much I was willing to give up everything for you and I still feel that way. I lost you, someone I’ve always dreamed spending the rest of my life with. And there will always be a part of me that really wanted you to choose me that night, no matter how stupid that sounds. TC mark

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