1. “Do work that you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.”
I’m sure that when you were in high school you could never imagine a world in which performing rhythmic gymnastics every day for the rest of your life could possibly be anything but a dream come true. However, regardless of your true calling, be it deep-sea photography or professional wine-tasting, you’ll soon come to realise that doing what you love quickly becomes a chore just like any other job. A passionate hobby turns sour and you begin to resent yourself for sucking the fun out of your creative vices. To think that you’re simply going to love what you do day-in, day-out, 6 days a week is a naïve sentiment that you’ll wash away with a bottle of vodka when you are twenty-two, realise that your degree is a nightmare and that’s what you’ve committed your life to for the rest of your working years.
2. (On love) “When you stop looking, you’ll find it.”
This is a pack of lies to comfort your single friends who cling to their Adele albums begging various Gods to send their very own Mila Kunis/Ryan Gosling strolling into their lives while they hide under a duvet eating their 8th tub of Ben & Jerry’s. There’s this notion that you need to pretend you don’t want a relationship to have one; That if you put your love life on a back burner then the flames of love will spark by themselves and your true love will find you. As it turns out, this is bullshit. This is no Disney movie and Prince Charming ain’t coming to save no Princess. Make a date, ask your friends to set you up with someone, join a sports club, dirty dance with strangers in clubs. You can’t expect the world to come to you when you refuse to step outside your door. No one falls in love with a recluse who has an addiction to Netflix.
3. “You should treat others the way that you want to be treated.”
Although I do truly agree with the sentiment of this, as you grow up you learn that you need to approach people with a different attitude depending on who they are. Sometimes you need to call an orange an orange. If it so happens that the orange is an arrogant, condescending, nasty, vile orange then call him out on that. You get horrible people in life and treating them with the respect that you deserve is never going to get you anywhere. Every now and there you’ll stumble across someone that you need to shoot down with all the wrath and fury of the Incredible Hulk after his football team loses.
4. “Never say never.”
This saying has always confused me for many reasons as there are hundreds, if not thousands of things that I would definitely say never to. “Would you ever go hunting?” “Never.” “Would you want to go to Burger King rather than McDonalds?” “Never.” “Will you ever watch an episode of Geordie Shore?” “Never.” “Would you consider scat or watersports during foreplay” “Never.” I think this speaks for itself. Have some common sense, people.
5. “You’re too good for him/her/it.”
No, you probably aren’t too good. Chances are mistakes were made by both parties. Stop being so self-entitled, look at your past experience and take responsibility for your actions as well. Sure you might have been in a terrible relationship or employed by a company that treated you like crap but you were there for a reason and not every single thing about your situation would have been terrible. It’s easy to look back on something and only remember how negative it was but perhaps you were stubborn or selfish or, damn, perhaps they were just too good for you.
No, just no. I hate to say it but this is one piece of ‘advice’ that I always give out. If my friends don’t want to go on a night out when they have work at 9AM? I tell them to YOLO. If my flatmate doesn’t want to have a party because it will be a mess? I tell them to YOLO. If my best friend doesn’t want to eat the 4th course of their meal because they are on a diet? I tell them to YOLO. What started as me using the phrase ironically has suddenly transformed into using the phrase as my personal mantra in love and life. I vow to stop telling people to YOLO if everyone else vows not to be so easily persuaded when I say it.