“I want more days without you.. infinite days. Not just tomorrow, next week or next month. I want you to forever be gone from my heart and my mind.”

I found this note written on a small paper in my bedroom. Hidden between pages 253 and 254 in my favorite book. And then I laughed.

How could you wish to forget someone who once meant the world to you? Who was once your happiness? Who was once the one you loved? Is it possible for us to forget someone simply by deleting them in our phone directory or blocking them on Facebook? Is it possible for us to continue our lives without even thinking about them?

I don’t know. I don’t know if I could.
Because as much as I want to forget you, you’re always there.

Every time I look at my gallery, you are there.
Every time I read my favorite book, you are there.
Every time I drink my coffee, you are there.
Every time I listen to my mix tapes, you are there.
Every time I try to sleep, you are there.
Every time I read poetry, you are there.

You’re always there, in my dreams, in my head and in my heart. I still remember how it feels – you holding my arms tightly; your hands were so warm and soft.

How could you live with that?
Leaving me too many memories to remember.

I’ve been aching for years now, and I understand why I end up writing scribbles and prose about you.

About “US”…

I write because somehow it helped me to reduce the pain of remembering you. I sip my coffee every morning, remembering how it tasted the last time I had it with you.

Honey, you’re my caffeine; you are addictive and tasteful.

I was nothing but stoic on the day when you learned how to walk away from me. Looking at you slowly disappearing into the horizon hurt so much and I knew that was the end of having you. Each step you took brought distance, separating us and all the good days we had.

You’re like a stain that never fades away.

Who told you that time heals all wounds and pains? Time doesn’t heal anything. You just have to move forward with your life because you have to, because you need to.

You carry the wounds forever, until you learn how to handle it and forget it for a little while and then you feel it again. It’s always there, the pain and the sorrow of losing someone who was once the reason for your happiness.

That’s how it works. That’s how I try to move on from you, dealing with pain everyday.