After an intense ten-year obsession with the masculine marvel known as Johnny Depp, I have come to terms with the fact that I am over him. It’s a strange feeling, when you realize that the person who used to be able to light up your world with just a glance of his dark-lined eyes and a shake of his fake dreadlocks has become a mere face in the crowd. A decade of dedication, hopes and dreams that some how, some way, some day he and I could run into each other in France… And that our fateful meeting would lead us to embark on voyages even more epic than Pirates of the Caribbean… And that he would be faithful and beautiful and brilliant and mine… Those dreams are gone now, and I feel like I don’t even know him anymore. It all happened so fast. For weeks I have been trying to figure out how we got to this point. What happened? What went wrong? How did things change so quickly? My mind mulls over the possible factors… Was it
1. His poor performance (Rango and The Tourist).
2. The fact that he’s been sporting his Willy Wonka sunglasses off set.
3. Because he left Vanessa Paradis.
Wait… What? Shouldn’t I be jumping for joy? Much to my surprise, this break-up inspired a feeling of defeat rather than hope. Johnny was supposed to be different. He was supposed to be a man of loyalty—one who would stick it out, even through the tough times. You know, the “never give up on love” type. But now he’s pulled the classic, heart-breaking, family-tearing, women-half-his-age-dating, mid-life crisis foe-pas, and I’m turned off.
Why am I over Johnny Depp? Because I guess I’m not as shallow as I thought. I guess that there was more than just sex appeal behind my infatuation. My commitment to Johnny was deeper than that—it was held together by the fact that he was a faithful family man. I wish that what I had with him could have lasted forever. That I could have lived vicariously through Vanessa, enjoying the life-long romance, cute French estate, and private islands with Johnny and the kids, Rose, and Jack…
But it’s over. And there’s nothing I can do to change it.
So, I guess it’s time to soak up some Taylor Swift therapy, take down the 21 Jump Street posters, and see what Channing Tatum has been up to lately.