Couple days ago I had a light conversation with my husband while he packed his stuff for a business trip. I asked “When will you be coming home?” and he replied “Saturday afternoon, probably. Why?” – that day was Wednesday. I told him not to go home too late, since I would be sleeping alone for 2 nights. And then I joked a little “I just can’t live without you, babe.” Unexpectedly, he took it too seriously and told me, “Don’t be like that. Please, this kind of attitude will never happen in our marriage. Promise me. Don’t you ever dare to commit on a marriage if you can’t live alone. Marry somebody when you are ready to live without your spouse. Even though it is better to be together eventually.”
This conversation lead me to a deep understanding about the dramatic-yet-hilarious jokes which are happening in our society nowadays. Why did I say dramatic jokes? Because it seems like they are joking, but in fact they mean it. How do they mean it? Because it happens continuously. Got it? They do it consciously. They embarrass themselves by showing the world how pathetic they are for being alone (single). There are pictures, notes, drawings, photos, etc. which express how fragile they are to be single-without girl/boyfriend, moreover when they express how they are longing for a marriage desperately. Is this crisis? I think yes!
You should be mature enough to commit on a marriage. Connecting a line between my conversation with my husband and the drama which appears among our society these days, I would love to share some tips for you if you are really longing for a marriage or at least a higher level of relationship (not only about you-and-I-go-to-a-movie-theater-on-Saturday-night thing) and completely ready for it.
1. Before you try to find “the right one”, then be “the right person.” Why? Because if you cannot be right, so “the right one” is not for you. She or he will be looking for another right person. Before you be a right person for yourself, then you are not for anyone and no one is for you.
2. How to be the right person? You must know what you are, where you came from, and where you are going to go. Thank God that you were born completely as a human. You were created for a purpose, a mission that eventually you will make on your own. So at the end when you reach the goal of your life, in order to make your life valuable, it does not magically happen, it is you who work on it. Means that being the right person is working on something for your own life, fulfilling it with something good, something valuable, even something extraordinary, so you will not die in vain.
3. Love somebody because you are ready to spend the rest of your life, for good and bad, with him or her. Be realistic. If you love someone and you already feel that your relationship is not working (and you already did much efforts to keep it up but still not working), please stop. You will only exhaust yourself and waste your time. Release the unnecessary things, then move forward. Easy as that. Love somebody because you both have the same willingness to spend life together. Bad times will surely come, but once you committed, you both cannot be separated.
4. Less drama, get a life! Do you know how much time have been wasted during your mourning period? Thinking about the guy or girl who broke up with you months ago, expecting she or he will be knocking your door and asking to start all over again. Hello guys! Wake up! Assume that it will not be happening. It is you who need to open your own door and see the whole world. There is somebody else is waiting for you to come, somebody who is the right one.
5. Do not show off your misery in public, say social media like Facebook, Twitter, path, etc. If you really need somebody to care, or at least to hear, about your sad story, just share it with family or closest friends personally. They are the ones who will help you get out of the sorrow instead of those responses coming from nowhere. Do you know what the people (in social media) do when they see your “miserable posts” launched? They will mock you in front of their monitor and they will whisper “oh, poor guy!”. You must be wondering how I assume that is going to happen. Yes, because I did it. I’m part of society in social media, and I’m sure so are you.
6. Opportunity is not coincidental, it is created. Get out of your comfort zone and make friends with everybody. You will meet many people out there, and yes the right one is one of them. You cannot decide with whom, when, and where you will be falling in love. At least, you have made your opportunity. You have opened the door and let them in. After all, let the chemistry do the rest.
7. When you meet somebody, and you think you are so into him or her, make sure that you both have same vision for the future. Make commitment from the very start, unless you will regret later. In relationship, you both will walk on the same path for the future. If you know that your partner is walking on another one, believe me your relationship will not be working. In this case, you will sacrifice your heart feeling for something much bigger. Well, it is normal. Take it as a valuable life-learning process.
8. And here you are, in a higher level of relationship and already committed for a marriage. Let’s celebrate the love and cherish it. You finally found your life partner to share all things in life, good and bad, little and big. This kind of experience cannot be replaced by anything, too precious. But one thing that you need to know and be aware about, there is nothing eternal in this world. No such thing. We, human, must be gone someday from this life. What is mystery now is when we are going to die. Is it you or your spouse who will go earlier. No matter when, we must be ready if we are left by him or her here in this world. Once we are aware about this, we will cherish every second we can spend with our spouse. Appreciate each other, be kind, be gentle, be trustworthy, and renew the love every single day. If we can do those simple things, once we are separated by death, we will regret nothing. That’s love.