1. They’re More Grounded
Dreams are great and everyone should have them but Black women understand that there are dreams and there’s the day-to-day in which things actually have to get done. While there’s floundering dreamers in every group, everywhere, my experience is that Black women aren’t going to change their “ultimate dream goal” every day and waste a bunch of time chasing their tails. They’re more goal oriented and class conscious which leads into my next one.
2. Black Women Work Harder
Because they have to. They don’t expect anything to be given to them in the workplace and they’re willing to show up every day and give great effort to get ahead. There’s no expectation on their part that Daddy will help them out with a job that will magically appear (because her Daddy taught her to work for herself) and with all her parents did to make sure she was provided for and educated there’s no way she’s going to disappoint them by being lazy when the chips are down. They know things out there are hard and that sometimes their skin will work against them. She knows this is a generational battle and she intends to win.
3. They’re More Appreciative Of Kindness
Every Black woman I’ve dated has been a Class A, no B.S., queen. If you care about them then you show it and express it. You let them know. In return, they’ll let you know that it’s appreciated. They’re not afraid to do the simple things like cook you a real meal and dote on you if you’re good to them because, to them, it’s not a competition.
Almost every White woman I’ve dated has been so insecure about themselves that they often hold back affection thinking that somehow they’re protecting themselves and their feel feels as if that doesn’t ultimately hurt me (or any guy who cares about them) and destroy the relationship slowly. Black women are about keeping things moving, not playing “who cares more” games.
4. Black Feminism Is Superior To White Feminism
I’ve never met a straight Black woman under the age of 50 that would make you feel like she either feared or hated men. You meet oodles of White women who appear to do both. Black feminism is about reproductive rights, being treated justly, and getting paid the same. It’s not about gender confusion as a hobby or bougie self indulgence. It’s a feminism that celebrates healthy masculinity instead of fearing it and that wants a true partnership from a strong man, not a weak partner that they can roll over.
And finally, Black women let their man be human and they don’t expect them to represent all men. To them, you’re a person, not a representative of power just waiting to show your true, evil, self.
5. Black Women Care About Family
Does she want to marry the man she loves? Yes. Does she want kids? Probably. While I can’t speak for every Black woman in the world (obviously), none of the Black women I’ve known, and I’ve known a lot, have a bunch of internal confusion about what they want from their man. They don’t agonize about whether or not getting married would be repressive or about “bringing another child into this terrible world.” They’re not up their own asses about what everybody else ought to do. They do what they want to do for their own lives and they’re straightforward about it.
6. What They Say And What They Do Are The Same Thing
What they say and do are consistent with one another. They don’t say they want one thing and then do the opposite or self sabotage and whine about it. I’ve seen White woman after White woman destroy the relationships they’re in because they refuse to have integrity, demand their men read their minds, and agonize about not being able to “have it all” when they don’t know what they want in the first place.
7. They’re Far Less Afraid Of Their Own Sexuality
Now let me nip in the bud right now any hyper-sexualization of Black women. It’s nonsense, racist, and othering. Black women aren’t more sexual than any other ethnicity of women but they are less afraid of sex and men in my direct experience. Over time I’ve come to feel like this stems from having to be generally tougher than other women. White women in lower economic classes have this same toughness but, somewhere along the line, more well-to-do White women lost this toughness and a big sense of self worth seems to have gone with it. Black women who are succeeding in the Middle Class know their worth and they know how hard they worked to get where they are. They’re not afraid of themselves or their sexuality and they’re sure not afraid of a man.
8. Black Women Know Where They Came From
And they care about it. They care about their history, what their family did, and where they’re from. Most White girls I’ve dated couldn’t even tell you what their grandfather did for a living or where he was from. It’s all just “stuff that happened” to them, stuff they don’t know about. As a result, they don’t really know who they are and so they’re often in the process of inventing a “self.”
I’m not trying to say Black women don’t have to “find themselves,” they do. It’s just that Black women finding themselves isn’t a depressing and extravagant put on. It’s about finding out what they’re good at and what makes them feel good. It’s about identifying and achieving goals and finding a romantic partner to achieve those goals. They’re not in constant rebellion against their family and the past. Their family and their past are part of what makes them them and, to Black women, that’s a plus not a question mark.