This Is Why You’re Still Single: Written By A Former Friendzoned Guy

Flickr / Alagich Katya
Flickr / Alagich Katya

I heard this come out of my friend’s mouth as we were walking down the streets of NYC last week. She had flown in from Hong Kong for work and I was in town visiting my potential place of residence. We met up to hang out and spend a few days together.

It wasn’t a shock to hear this. Not because she wasn’t pretty. She was. She walked with confidence around the city and was able to navigate New York’s sprawling and endless metro system with ease. When we went out at night she would wear heels with her dress instead of flats, a true sign of a woman from a big city. It wasn’t a shock because this is a common theme I hear from women. “There’s always someone prettier”

The easy thing for me to write would be, “You are pretty, you are worth it, just love yourself.” But I know myself and I know people well enough to know a few words or comforting sayings won’t stop the internal mental warfare you have with yourself each day. This isn’t a post of me giving advice or telling you everything is going to be ok. It’s me saying I acknowledge how you feel but that you MUST accept and love yourself because your happiness depends on it.

One of my all time favorite speakers and authors is Sean Stephenson. His mission is to rid the world of insecurities. Sean was given a unique situation in life: He was born with a rare bone disease that puts him at 3 feet tall, with a myriad of health complications. The easy thing for him to do in this situation would be to feel sorry for himself everyday because he doesn’t look like everyone else. What he chooses to do instead is to go right to the core of people’s desire to feel loved and cared for. He’s a living example of breaking through “comparison syndrome” and learning to love himself.

What I learned from Sean is that you are given the choice each day to love and accept yourself. Sometimes this decision has to be made several times a day. Some days are easier than others. It’s a daily ritual that takes time to cultivate and grow over time. I admit I don’t know what it’s like to spend hours in front of a mirror each morning getting ready or having a Facebook ad targeted specifically for me telling me to “lose another 10 pounds to feel sexy.” What I do know as a man is that when a woman accepts and owns who she is, she becomes the sexiest woman in the world.

Men don’t want a women who’s a size 0 and has to obsess over every detail of their body image every day. Men want a woman who loves and accepts themselves for who they are. There’s nothing sexier than a woman who has found a way to take care of herself and be proud of who she is. Loving and accepting yourself isn’t something most of us were taught growing up. We are taught to always seek the next best thing, work harder, and do more. These messages do have a positive benefit to them, but not to how we treat ourselves.

Loving yourself starts with accepting who you are. Even if this seems difficult, do it for the future man of your dreams. Trust me, he wants a woman who is comfortable with themselves and has an inner peace. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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This post originally appeared at YourTango.


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