When I look back now, I do not regret a thing that happened to us.
I’m not saying you were a mistake. It just took me a long time to realize that we were just not really meant to be together. We both tried but time and distance were never on our side. Know that it was difficult to slowly let you go but I do not regret you.
When I look back now, I realize how we never really had a closure. We both don’t do goodbyes. There were a lot of things unsaid. But it’s now time to give ourselves our best chance.
And I’m now giving myself my best chance to tell you how I never got to say these things:
I never got to say that I was always nervous when we’re together because you admire how calm I am. But I wish you would see right through me and feel my bones breaking inside my skin it felt like I would collapse. And every time I had to be strong.
I never got to say that I was very unhappy the time you found me and we knew each other. You turned everything upside down. I never got to say that with you I liked myself. With you things were okay.
I never got to say that I sacrificed a lot of things for you. I sacrificed more than I probably should. And I hated it when you left. I hated you.
And that’s when I became unsure of you. Our story suddenly became a series of waiting; waiting for you to come back and visit me, waiting for me to fly where you are, waiting for a flight to land, waiting for messages and calls meant to be read and answered, waiting for a response, waiting for the hugs and kisses, waiting for the I miss you’s and I love you’s — until someone stopped trying. Instead, it was best to say goodbye.
I may regret not saying these things when I had the chance but I do not regret you. We may not have a happy ending but I do not regret having chosen you to love.
When I think of what and where we are now, it’s amazing how much we’ve grown up. We’re both a different person now and I’ve never been more proud of you, I’ve never been more proud of myself.
Thank you for everything you’ve done and I do not regret it one bit. You have taught me how to love myself better. You have taught me how to love other people better. I love how you made me the happiest and best version of myself. I only hope I did the same for you.
We both deserve better but know that I do not and will never regret loving you.