The Unedited Truth Behind The Things People Say To Me About My Depression

Roxane Clediere
Roxane Clediere

“Reaching out helps.”

More than once, it doesn’t. Not only because sometimes you have no one to talk to, but also because the people that are there may not want to help, they may not understand no matter how hard they try which eventually leads to the worst part: they won’t know what to say.

I’m not saying don’t reach out to anyone at all. I myself took a chance once and it was through a friend who I hardly talk to about personal matters but turned out to be the most helpful out of everyone I know. But not all friends stick around or even want to. Not everyone wants to be kept posted on how you are doing even if they try to convince you they care but do very little to show it.  

“You never know who can make a difference unless you talk about it.”

You can’t suddenly erase the fact that you are stubborn, selfish or too pessimistic but you can work through it and it will be a long time before you can see yourself as a new person. Mental illness works similarly. No matter how great the advice is, no matter how great the conversation were that one time, social supports, especially the ones that come and disappear are not potions we can drink once or twice and eventually forget everything.  

There are online resources where individuals who have been through depression first hand know exactly what to tell you that helps. They are not rolling the dice and playing guessing games on what they think you want to hear. They are not lying when they say they understand. They are not lying when they say they know how you feel. There is no shame in connecting with people you don’t know.

Sometimes it even beats trying to connect with people who you do know but who know nothing about what you are going through.

“You are just stressed. Don’t make it an unnecessary issue.”

Talk to a counsellor. A psychiatrist. Seriously. And make sure it’s a good one. The costs are tricky but there are some places where free counsellors work. Psychiatrists and doctors have written articles online about how to overcome mental illness that will save you money and time in consulting with an actual one if that is a worry. They are professionally trained and know the correct treatments. I personally found I was wasting my life struggling with something that wasn’t getting better because I had too much pride to seek therapy. But I would rather be a loser for a couple of sessions so I can be healthy for a whole life time.

Taking risks will take you somewhere, give you the chance of having something, while doing nothing will only end with you having nothing.

You don’t have to tell anyone that you are seeing a therapist. No one will know if you are lying. Don’t ever think that you are “too smart” to get help because otherwise, you still wouldn’t be in this state.

“Move on. Everyone does.”

No they don’t, not everyone. Most likely they are lying when they say they do. And even if it is that easy or supposed to be that easy, everyone has a different story and you are not weird or strange based on the similarities and differences you share with people’s stories that have nothing to do with you. Don’t blend in and get lost in the crowd. Stand out and be someone who is not trying to be just like everyone else.

Not all individuals experience everything the same way. That does not mean that your problem is not a problem simply because your friends’ solutions for the same issues in their lives are solved that much quicker and admirably. Sometimes there are things you can’t forget. The trick is to accept what happened in the past in a way that will make you grow brighter in the future.

Write down the kind of person you were before whatever happened. Then write down the kind of person you are now. And keep that event as a reminder that if it didn’t happen, the better things that are about to happen because of it, wouldn’t be happening either. TC mark

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