I believe the true meaning of moving on, is to look that person in the eye, and ask them how they are doing. Ask them without hoping their response will be: “I f*cked up” or “I’ve been better.” Ask them knowing that they might tell you they found the love of their life.
You moved on when you reply with a smile and realize that you’re not even forcing it. Because now, you find it possible to picture them with someone who is not you.
Moving on is not only about deleting their number, erasing their pictures and removing them off Facebook. Making sure they don’t appear in your future, doesn’t make them disappear from your past.
Moving on is not about ignoring. It’s about answering. If you truly stopped loving them, their voice has stopped being the siren’s song that draws you.
Their voice becomes just a voice.
When the pain is gone, leaving your house to start your day feels like an adventure. When you open the door, you are no longer opening the door to possibilities of being torn down again, but opening it to let yourself in a world that has a new plan for you.
It only hurt because both of you wanted different things and you find yourself blaming them a little less every day because none of those things were meant to hurt you.
After the tears have stopped, you start discovering new ways of laughing that your blurry vision didn’t allow you to before. And the first morning you wake up without their name on the tip of your tongue, you begin to taste a life that wasn’t being poured down your throat by their memory.
You finally admit that the real reason you’re mad is not because they couldn’t see that you were meant to be, but because they were the first to realize that you weren’t.
You can find it in yourself to accept that they were never the piece that completed your picture. They were the piece to a picture that only resembled yours. And you can’t keep trying to change the picture of your life to fit in a piece that doesn’t belong there.
That is why I decided to message you even after everything my friends said to me.
While you may already know how I used to feel, you don’t know that I have stopped feeling that way. You might not even care. But at the end of the day, this message is not even for you as much as it is for me.
It is for me to realize how easy it is to talk to you, without caring at all if you reply or not. And that is a feeling I never thought I would feel.
Sure, it may seem as if I am still hung up on you, but I think the true test of knowing that you are finally over someone, is not testing to see how long you can avoid them for. But testing to see if you have the courage to say something to them without feeling like you need the courage to say it. Without feeling like you need to take deep breaths to slow down a racing heart that shouldn’t be racing anymore.
I messaged you because it is time to grow up. I don’t want to try and be friends but at the same time, I don’t want to keep seeing you as an enemy. Your decision not to want me wasn’t made to defeat me. It wasn’t even a decision; you can’t decide to feel a certain way for a person. The only game that was being played was the one I thought we were both playing when really, I was the only player. You didn’t even know the rules but somehow, I felt like I was losing.
I felt like I was losing you. I thought I had you when you didn’t even give yourself to me. And while for the longest time, I wondered if you would change your mind, I learned sometimes you have to lose the things you want the most in order to gain something better.
You were not the “bad guy,” but really, just bad luck.
I don’t think you will ever quite understand the impact you left on me. How I went from feeling invisible to someone who was worthy of attention, worthy of being listened to and worthy of being wanted.
I don’t want you to live on thinking I hate you simply because it turned out I wasn’t what you were looking for. Instead, I want to thank you for finding me anyway. Thank you for being the temporary love in my life, keeping me company and safe until I meet the real one.
Perhaps you might choose to leave my letter the way it is. Maybe you decided it would be best for me not to hear from you again.
You may have already looked at it and moved on with your day.
Sadly, you may never reply.
But, luckily for me, you did.