We all have a moment in our lives. You know what I’m talking about. That one moment that changes our lives forever. In that second the world stops spinning and seems to be stuck at a standstill. Drugs can make you feel like that. Love can make you feel like that.
He made me feel like that.
Have you ever seen someone you’ve never met, but feel as though you have known them your entire life? Well when I looked at him I felt exactly that. At that moment I knew I had to talk to him, but not in the “oh this boy’s hot” kind of way. In the way that I knew that if I did not walk over to him I would regret it for the rest of my life. How could I know this? How could I know that at 21 he was the one? As I stared at him across the room I swear no one could forget a look like that. I could never forget that face, those eyes, that smile. Never. And I never wanted to.
I wanted to know everything about him: his secrets, his fears, his flaws, his passions and what he stayed awake thinking about at night. I wanted so badly to be apart of a stranger’s life yet I did not know why. Maybe it was because he wasn’t a stranger. Not really anyway. He was always something more for me. Even though I didn’t know it yet he would be my moment.
He would become my moment, that moment we all long for. He was every feeling all at once, chaos in my mind and comfort in my heart. The power that he held over me was unimaginable and I gave into him willingly, no questions asked I automatically trusted him. I had never felt more scared, but at the same time more alive in my entire life. It seemed that as my cravings for him only got stronger I only got higher and wanted to stay high all the time. He was my drug of choice and I was addicted to him.
I remember pressing my wine stained lips against his face, knowing my scent would linger on his skin for days after that cold November night. That’s when I told him I loved him. I was completely drunk on a concrete step outside of the frat house where we first met. I laid it all out there and confessed my deepest feelings for him. I knew I seemed crazy, but he made me crazy. The kind of crazy, that made you never, want to feel sane again.