Time is the only constant.
Time keeps moving, and worrying is a waste of it.
I make so many mistakes, trying to cover them up, searching for the right validation, which only leads to feeling worse. Another huge mistake. Why do I put myself through this anguish? How come I could never shut my mind up, and concentrate on myself for once? Always searching for some sort of external validation, that in turn only deepens the wound and I feel even more ridiculous than before.
There is nothing worse than feeling so proud of yourself, and watching it all crumble apart in the blink of an eye. How can I allow myself to lose all sense of control, squandering back to the ones who hurt me in the most embarrassing way possible. When I self-destruct, am I placing the blame on someone else? By spending time with toxic people, am I just removing myself from who I am? It’s frustrating that I’m letting it bother me. And I’m terrified that it will never end.
Why do we feel the need to be perfect? Is anyone even perfect? Trials and afflictions will always be there to reel their ugly head once again, but there is always something to be proud of. I may have fucked up once again, but the difference now is that I will not let it control my life anymore. I will feel the feelings, and then let them pass through. Like water in a stream. It’s still going to be there, I just have to understand that this too shall pass. Everything is fleeting, nothing matters. I’m becoming more aware of that every day, and that is something to be proud of.
Self-destruction is sometimes necessary, think of the positives. It provides an influx of inspiration, a new goal to reach, new feelings to process and understand and create art out of. We all need to stop pretending to be something we are not. It’s so simple to post an inspiring motivational quote, acting as if we are some sort of guru of perfection because we had one good day. Maybe that is the problem. We expect too much and beat ourselves up when we don’t follow through. Life is about limitations and learning.
We are always growing. THIS TOO SHALL PASS. Everything is turning and moving and we don’t need to announce it all on social media. Save it for yourself. Carve it in your own brain, and let it sink in.