I’m Glad It Didn’t Work Out Between Us

I’m glad it didn’t work out between us.

Well, all of you. (And by ‘you’ I mean my exes.) But nobody in specific.

Thank you for not only falling short of my expectations, but for giving me new reasons to have higher ones. Thank you for personifying every person’s nightmare in a relationship: For the cheating, lying, emotional abuse, and indifference. Thank you for giving me those experiences, only because they allowed me to determine what my lines were, and when you crossed them. I am indebted to your actions – they made my skin so thick, that you can’t even see the blood course through my veins anymore. Yet, I am still alive.

I’m not trying to say you were all bad. Truthfully, you had good aspects – that’s why we dated, ex-boyfriends. But they were not enough to keep us together. They could not satiate me and my need to be respected, appreciated, or valued. And the sole reason for that is simple: I respect, appreciate, and value myself far too much to have stayed. Thank you for letting me go, thank you for letting me leave.

Your indifference taught me that I could not be indifferent to my own needs, ex-boyfriends. And that is a powerful lesson that I might not have learned had you not been so dismissive of me. Your emotional abuse and manipulative tactics taught me I could not tolerate being disrespected. I give respect, and I deserve it back – from everyone.

Your lies and deceit made me realize how much I valued myself, my body, and the right to leave a situation that puts either in danger.

I did not need you to learn these things, ex-boyfriends. But thanks to you, I learned it sooner. My experience has helped me see how much power there is in being alone. I took some time to reflect on my choices. I realized that, too often, I spent time on people who didn’t think of me half as much. I gave to people who could only take. I loved people who could only give me apathy. I grew from this.

I had an epiphany in that time: That those things you did to me bothered me, hurt me, and destroyed me, and they did so because deep down, I knew I deserved better. I wanted better. And in order to find that, I had to treat myself with dignity, respect, and love. A lot of love.

I’m not trying to hurt you, ex-boyfriends. I also don’t have any real hard feelings. I’m in a good place, a place I never would’ve reached with you. And if that truth is a devastating one, I am sorry. But I am not sorry for needing, deserving, and wanting more for myself.

I hope you change the things that take people away from you, and that you find happiness – alone or with another person. I hope you grow from the things you did, too.

But really, I’m so thankful it didn’t work out between us.

It worked out just great for me.