I’m sorry for the times I’ll put him first. You see, loving him is scary and exciting and new, and I want to devote my time and energy to this new bond. But I will never forget us.
Life is too fragile to settle for a partner who is abusive, for a connection that is one-sided, for being with someone who sucks the energy and happiness from you on a daily basis. You are a person of value. You deserve care. You deserve respect.
Because she will inspire you.
I’ve decided to surrender to love. Because I can’t control it. Because I can’t plan around it. Because the world is filled with these unknowns, these chances we take for the things and people we care about. So I’m going for it; I’m going all in.
You can move on, but you can’t really unlove someone. This is what I learned trying to rewrite poetry into lines and verses that didn’t sound like him and I. When I tried taking pictures down from my walls as if I could somehow erase the memories, make them less painful somehow.
It’s like the entire world is on fast forward and I’m stuck in pause. Or slow motion. Watching people and faces drift in and out of focus all around me, wondering if at some point it’ll all slow down and I’ll find my footing again.
It is in those moments, as my hands fly across the page or my fingers click against the keyboard, that I long to be understood.
I like loving you like this. Like high school. Like silly, like stolen sips of whiskey, like Saturday afternoons with the whole weekend ahead of us. I like knowing we’re each other’s everythings. That we’re booth too young and foolish to know any better. To know that love hurts like hell.
Love is kissing you and feeling like I’m dizzy, like I’m melting into your lips as if the two of us were searching blindly our entire lives and finally found where our souls belong. That’s the kind of love I desire.
You’re not supposed to have a map of your life. You’re not supposed to know how things will begin or where they will end. You’re not supposed to know who you’ll fall in love with, at least not right away. And you’re not supposed to have the answers to those questions looming in the back of your brain.