I like loving you like this. Like high school. Like silly, like stolen sips of whiskey, like Saturday afternoons with the whole weekend ahead of us. I like knowing we’re each other’s everythings. That we’re booth too young and foolish to know any better. To know that love hurts like hell.
Love is kissing you and feeling like I’m dizzy, like I’m melting into your lips as if the two of us were searching blindly our entire lives and finally found where our souls belong. That’s the kind of love I desire.
You’re not supposed to have a map of your life. You’re not supposed to know how things will begin or where they will end. You’re not supposed to know who you’ll fall in love with, at least not right away. And you’re not supposed to have the answers to those questions looming in the back of your brain.
Your social media page cannot tell the beautifully crafted story of your life and of who you are. It cannot define you. And it cannot perfectly represent you.
So don’t let it.
I called you last night. Because I saw that picture,
because I wanted to know if your voice still sounded
like Saturday mornings with closed blinds,
an old truck with the windows down on the highway
in the sticky-hot Western sun. It did.
I won’t disappear from your life like a ghost you forget about, like a ghost that never mattered. I won’t haunt you, but I won’t become invisible. I’m the type of girl that no matter what happens, no matter why or how or what put a giant rift between us, I’ll always have love for you.
You cannot always see the timeline of your life with tick marks at every painful memory. You cannot choose to remember the people that have hurt you, the negative words that have been shared, the times when you were low and didn’t know if you’d make it through.
Because you did. You did make it through.
She’ll be gentle, even in her anger.
I know I’m not the first twenty-something to go through this sort of experience. To have someone roll their eyes, shake their head, or chastise you via social media because you’re just that—a twenty-something—and thus you apparently know nothing about life.
Everywhere on the internet you’ll read about ‘living your best life,’ or ‘living the life you’ve always imagined’ or just ‘living a good freaking life’ and although all these articles and posts and Instagram photos and blogs and advice columns have our best intentions in mind, they’re narrowly focused.