Dear God, Shine A Light In My Darkness

Dear God, today and always I am longing for you. In my moments of joy, in my moments of pain, in every single moment that I wander this earth, I only wish to understand more of your will for my life. I only wish to feel your presence around and within me.

But this is so hard.

Father, I am scared. Sometimes I put a good face on for the world, but in the depths of my heart I am still questioning. I know you are truth, yet I find myself worrying about things that haven’t even happened yet. I find my mind spinning about what’s to come. I find myself losing my grip on all that I have because I’m too busy searching for what I feel is still missing.

Why do I do this?

Every time I feel lost, you bring me back to you. But I continually push you away. I wander, searching for fulfillment in everything that’s temporary. I rely on my own two legs, only to discover they’re not strong enough without you. I run, only to grow weary and crawl back to your grace.

I’m sorry that I’m so damn stubborn.

But you forgive me, each and every time. And sometimes I don’t feel worthy of that grace. Yet you show me compassion. You hold me in the palm of your hand and whisper your truth:

“I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

— John 8:12 (ESV)

This is so simple, so powerful. This speaks to me, right where I am. This shares with me the beauty that is beyond compare—that no matter what happens in this life, or where I go—there you are.

You are light, you are goodness, you are love—and you are within me.

So why do I fight this? Why do I think I can find the answers anywhere else? Why do I question what’s so firm and secure, thinking that I can somehow find peace in a place that’s impermanent? Why do I push you away?

Father, my mind is dizzy right now. I’m plagued with doubt; I’m filled with stress. My life is so often falling into darkness and I just pray that you will bring me light. I just pray that you will show me love. I just pray that you will right my mind, give me hope, bless me with truth, and let me bloom in your glory.

You have saved me so many times before. Sometimes I feel like I’m running out of second chances, but then, you remind me that your love is unconditional. You remind me that there is nothing I can do that will keep me from your arms.

I don’t deserve this, and yet, maybe I do. I am you child, created in your image and you see my worth even when I don’t. Maybe I will forever fall short, but that’s why you sent your Son—so that I don’t have to live my days wishing I could be someone else, wishing I could be better, wishing I was anything other than the imperfect bag of bones wandering this earth.

And yet, despite my sin, you love me.

How powerful is that? How powerful is it that no matter what emptiness I fall into, no matter what pain I face, no matter what loss or death or illness or brokenness comes knocking at my door, you are beside me, fighting the battle, carrying me through, bringing me sunshine and grace and another chance to live and love again.

Father, thank you. Thank you for your mercy. Thank you for your hope. Thank you for the way you’ve been by my side, will forever be by my side, regardless of the circumstances of my life here on earth.

Sometimes I fall into a hole; I forget who you are. But please remind me. Please draw closer. Please lift me from the sin that’s so messy and entangled around me.

Dear God, today and always I am longing for you.
Shine a light in my darkness; set me free.