Stop thinking you have to change for love. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been searching, how empty you feel, how many broken relationships lay scattered like landmines behind you. Maybe you’ve loved and lost. Maybe you’ve made a few mistakes in the past. Maybe you’re just tired of searching and coming up empty. Maybe you’ve shifted your perspective so many times you don’t even know what you truly want anymore. Or maybe you’re just scared.
But stop thinking you have to completely start over to find the right person. Stop thinking you need to be different, be less, be more. Stop telling yourself that you’re not enough, or somehow unworthy because it hasn’t yet worked out.
Stop feeding your mind lies. There is nothing wrong with you; you just haven’t stumbled into forever yet.
We get so impatient with love. We want it to appear when the timing feels right for us, when we need that connection in our lives, when we’re still fighting to get over someone and want that hole to be filled.
We think love is the answer. That finding the one will make all our problems go away. That we’ll somehow become the people we’re meant to be when our hearts intertwine with another.
But the truth is, we’ve always had the potential to be the best version of ourselves—and we must—because another person isn’t capable of creating that. Only we can.
The truth about love is that more often than not, the connection comes when we’re least expecting it. That when we chase the feeling, search relentlessly, stress ourselves out over whether we’ve found a person yet—we don’t find him or her.
We’re so busy looking for something we think resembles the ideal in our mind that we skip over so many beautiful things and people right in front of us. We’re comparing ourselves so much, we forget how to be happy in the current moment. We forget that life isn’t about finding love, it’s about finding who we are, falling in love with that person, and building a beautiful life that someone else will compliment one day.
We forget that we’ll find the right one when we’re ourselves—not trying to reshape, or remold, or become anything other than what we so wonderfully are.
So when it comes to love, stop searching. Stop changing. Stop looking back at your last relationship as a marker of who you are. You are not lost love. You are not the people of your past. You are not unworthy, simply because you haven’t found your forever yet.
You don’t need to shift yourself to somehow be ‘worthy.’ Sure, there are always things you can improve upon, make better. You can always learn from the relationships that fell apart. But you can’t hold yourself accountable for every tiny mistake. You can’t blame yourself for every little thing that didn’t work out.
Love is out there. But don’t drive yourself crazy searching for it.
Focus on yourself, on your dreams, on your goals, on your everyday purpose. Focus on what makes you happy, even (and especially) when a relationship isn’t in the picture. And most importantly, be yourself.
Love will come.