Pain is a part of this world. But that doesn’t mean what happened to you was ‘supposed to happen,’ was ‘meant to be.’ That doesn’t mean the people you’ve lost, the hearts that have been broken, the ache in your chest should be shrugged off as what was ‘destined’ to occur, or ‘a part of God’s plan.’

I hate hearing those words. They’re dismissive, they’re plain wrong. To say that something awful is ‘destined’ to happen almost implies that person deserves it. And to say it comes from the being who created you—that’s foolish. God doesn’t want anything negative to happen to you just as you don’t either, but pain and sin are parts of this imperfect world. The world He wants to save us from. And none of the ache is ‘meant to be’ a part of our existence here—yet, that doesn’t mean we can’t rise from it, grow from it, learn from it, and heal.

You were not meant to be broken, to be hurt, to be bruised. Yet these moments where you fall can catapult you to better days, if you let them. You can rise, find your footing, push forward, and begin again, if you choose.

Pain is not meant to end you. Bad days are not all there is. Weakness is not what defines you. And the broken pieces of you do not reflect who you are.

You are so much more than the awful things that have happened to you, than the people you’ve lost, than the hearts you’ve broken or the ones who have broken you along the way. You are so much more than the plans that failed, than the times you messed up, than the truths that make you dizzy, than the abuse you’ve endured.

Who you are is not determined by what you’ve gone through. And you do not have to walk through this life thinking your pain was ‘meant to happen,’ or ‘meant to be.’ The feelings you have pressing on your chest, running through your mind—they are valid and real, and you should not be ashamed of feeling them. You should not feel weak for being sad, for being angry, for losing who you are when something terrible rocks your world.

But you do not have to be lost forever. You do not have to be destroyed by your pain. You do not have to think this is a part of your greater purpose and chalk your survival up to destiny, rather than your own two hands.

Your body, your heart, your soul—they are strong. You will pull through. You just have to let go of the ridiculous notion that you were destined to fall, destined to fail, destined to hit the ground and never find your footing again.

Because the truth is, you will hit rock bottom, but you will rise. This time even stronger than before.

So don’t let yourself be defeated permanently. Don’t let your mind convince you that you are unworthy of getting back up, or to powerless to change the circumstances of your life.

Don’t believe that God has abandoned you in your time of need—for in these lowest moments, He is the closest to you, begging you to let Him in.

Believe in yourself. Believe in a better future. Believe that these moments will only build you into something far stronger and more knowledgeable than before. Believe that you will be okay, that you will survive, that you will do more than survive—you’ll flourish—and be defined in a way that you choose, not by the moments that have tried to break you down.