I don’t know what I’m doing.
I know I’m supposed to be trusting in your plan—but what if I don’t know what it is? I know I’m supposed to let myself relax, knowing that you’re guiding me. But what if I doubt you? What if it feels like you’re not there? What if, when push comes to shove, I’m honestly scared to put my trust you?
Sometimes I feel like I have it all figured out. I wake up and feel confident, feel ready, feel like I’m on top of the world. If I’m being honest, those days it feels like I don’t need you, like I can do this all on my own. But then some mornings I wake and feel like my life’s spinning out of control. I feel so confused, so frustrated—like I’m running on a treadmill, fast-pace to nowhere. And that’s how I feel right now.
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, who I’m supposed to be, what’s supposed to happen right now, God.
And to be honest, that scares me. Because it always feels like I’m missing out, like there’s something I should be doing that I’m not, like I’m in the wrong place, like I’m just stumbling through this life purposely. It sucks.
But God, I know that you promised to stand by me—in sickness and frustration and doubt and fear. I know that you gave your son for me, so that I wouldn’t have to feel so alone. And I guess what I really need right now is a reminder of your love.
I feel stuck. Stuck in my relationships. Stuck in my work. Stuck in my home and life and all the things around me. I feel like I’m not making progress, or that I’m just standing still. I’m trying to remember that life isn’t supposed to make sense and that I need to lean into you, but it’s hard.
Please guide me.
Please remind me that every up and down I face is natural. That you are bringing wonderful things to me so that I can learn to be humble, and bringing terrible things to me so that I learn to fight and seek you even more.
Remind me that what goes ‘wrong’ is leading me to right, and that when I feel empty and meaningless, I need to only look at you to see my worth again.
When I start to take steps away from your light, whether accidentally or intentionally, please pull me back to you. Give me strength and courage. Give me eyes to see where you are leading me, and a mind that doesn’t fight. Ease my stubborn heart, my fearful thoughts. Please surround me with your grace and mercy so that I no longer question who you are, but feel confident in each step.
Right now I don’t feel like myself. I don’t feel like I’m walking with you.
And I want to be.
So please show me your greatness, show me your power and love. Take my spinning mind and calm it. Take my beating heart and hold it in your hands.
I want to walk with you. I want to feel secure in the life you’ve given me. I want to feel ready and prepared and loved as I begin to step forward with you.
Please take this anxiety, this uncertainty, this feeling of purposelessness out of my heart and replace it with all things good, all things you.
You are my Father and I trust you.