It’s me again. I know you already know this, but I’m feeling overwhelmed. See, I thought I could handle everything. I thought I could be fine on my own. I thought I was strong, and capable, and confident—and maybe I am because you made me that way—but the problem is that I put too much faith in myself, instead of your love.
And I told myself I didn’t need you.
Isn’t that how it always goes?
When will I learn, right? I know, I know, you’re probably shaking your head right now. But thank you for listening.
See, I’m just feeling sick right now. Sick to my stomach. Nervous. Dizzy. I thought I had all my dots connected, all my lines drawn, all my paths straight. I thought I could handle this, thought I could overcome the pressure. I thought when push came to shove, I could would be able to stand my ground.
But truth is, I need you.
I need you now, more than ever. But I also need you always.
Please help me to remember that, because I tend to forget.
Please remind me that you’re always going to be here—good and bad—and you’re fighting with me, for me. See, right now I’m a mess. I’m feeling broken, frazzled, stressed, hurt. I feel like the biggest failure and it’s so hard to admit that, even to you. Why is that so hard to admit? Why do I always try to be so perfect? Or think that I’m more lovable without my flaws?
I think if I try hard enough, all my sins will suddenly disappear. But that’s not how it works, is it? You and I both know it’s only because of you that I can ever have a glimpse of perfection.
But can you please remind me of that?
Can you take my fears and let them fade into the wind? Can you take my heart and mend it? Can you take my nervous-butterfly stomach and settle it?
Can you remind me who you are?
Can you show me your grace and mercy? Can you calm me, hold me, love me? Can you be by my side as I try to handle all this pressure?
Because I know I can’t do it alone.
I’m standing here before you—a mess, a puddle of tears, a pile of hopelessness—and I need to be reminded of who I am in your arms. I need to know that I’m loved, even when I fall short, even when I make mistakes, even when it feels like I can’t do anything right, even when I fail.
Right now I’m in over my head—decisions spiraling out of control, relationships breaking into a million pieces, life just a mess of chaos and change. And I need you. I need your hand on my heart, your shoulder to lean on, your love to wash over me and remind me that I am saved.
I need to know that you’re by my side. I need to know how to trust in you again, rather than my earthly strength. I need to stop believing I can fix what I have no control over, and give my stress and worries and unknowns to you.
God, please be with me today. Give me the courage to overcome. Give me the love to forgive. Give me the patience and strength to push through what’s holding me back. And give me the trust I need to put you first, to make you the center of my life, to have confidence that you will stand with me and never leave me, even when it feels like I’m drowning.
God, show me how to let go and love you again.
Because I need you today, and every day.