7 Small Signs You’re (Unintentionally, But Totally) Ruining Your Relationship

Comete El Coco
Comete El Coco

1. You keep telling yourself you’re falling short.

This is the comparison game. Without even noticing, you’re comparing yourself to other people in a relationship, to your single friends, to the relationships/marriages of your family members, to celebrities, to people in movies, to strangers on the street – stop.

You’re totally ruining your relationship if you keep looking at, and wondering about, what everyone else is doing. Quit comparing. Quit feeling like you’re less, or that you and your S.O. aren’t good enough. Just focus on the two of you and how you can build one another up. And put a little positivity into your head. :)

2. Your S.O. (or others close to you) have told you that you’re ‘too much.’

This is the not-so-subtle sign that you’re being extra. It’s overkill. There’s nothing wrong with loving on your boyfriend/girlfriend, or showing attention and love, but when it comes to relationship roles, you have to give your partner a chance to shine, too.

If you’re the one always texting, always calling, always making plans, always throwing money for dates and gifts – slow down a bit. You will destroy your relationship if you’re continually trying to do the most – your partner will feel like it’s a competition that he/she’s failing at, and this will only pull the two of you apart.

3. You find yourself frustrated at the little things.

Lighten up, honey. Your S.O. isn’t going to be perfect, and guess what? Neither are you.

When you find yourself keeping a tally of all the ways you’ve been wronged, or find yourself noticing all the things your partner does that annoys the hell out of you – it’s time to take a deep breath and relax. Your person is going to bug you, they’re going to make you mad, they’re going to be frustrating as hell, but they’re still yours. Relax. Give yourself some space. Let go of that little voice in your head that keeps telling you they suck. They don’t. You suck for pointing out all their flaws.

4. You’re playing the ‘I’ll-wait-for-him/her-to-text-me’ game.

This isn’t middle school; this isn’t time to play games and be petty. You might think you’re teaching your S.O. a lesson by not messaging him/her because you’re angry (aka: letting him/her figure out what’s wrong) but this isn’t productive. For anyone.

Not only will you be mad when he/she doesn’t respond the way you want them to, but they’re going to be frustrated as well, because they won’t know what’s wrong or how to fix it.

Moral of the story – be upfront.

5. You’re analyzing hypothetical situations.

If it hasn’t happened, you shouldn’t be worrying about it. Pretty simple.

6. You’re over-thinking.

This is tricky because sometimes we don’t even notice when we’re overthinking the hell out of a situation. But if you find yourself entertaining potential outcomes, wondering about things you wish you would have said or done differently, or questioning what you would do if ____ happened, stop right now.

Not only are you causing yourself undue stress, but this will take a toll on your S.O. too, who will always feel like you’re living with regrets.

7. You’re looking too far ahead or too far back.

The past can be one of our greatest teachers, especially in a relationship. But if you find yourself going back to old fights, rehashing old arguments, or just bringing up old drama – this isn’t productive.

Same goes to looking for the future. You have to think about what’s to come, but you can’t exist there. Sure, consider potential outcomes, but don’t start planning for a future that hasn’t happened yet. Live in the moment. Appreciate one another. Stop letting your mind control what your heart already has a handle on.. And love, damn it, just love. TC mark

Marisa Donnelly

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

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