This Is Why She’s Pulling Away As You’re Getting Closer

Brooke Cagle
Brooke Cagle

Maybe it’s all too soon.

You bumped into each other by accident—two different people in two different life-bubbles suddenly connecting over coffee and laughter and sneakily-exchanged smiles. You, perhaps, are ready to claim her, to hold her, to give her everything you have and more. But maybe for her, it’s just too sudden. Maybe she’s been trying to navigate this world alone. Maybe she’s still heartbroken. Maybe you took her by surprise, suddenly coming into her life with feelings she’s not quite ready for. Maybe she just needs everything to slow down.

Maybe you’re coming on too strong.

You’re smiling, sharing sips of beer across the table, and the sound of her laughter rings in your ears like a sweet melody. She’s happy. You’re happy. It all seems perfect, at least in that moment. But then you lean forward. You grab her hand unexpectedly. You say something and you watch a frown flit across her face. Maybe you were too sudden. Maybe you came on too strong. Maybe you touched on something she’s still trying to hide—a slice of her past she hasn’t yet felt comfortable sharing. Or maybe you did something that reminded her of someone she loved and lost. And now she’s unsure. So she just needs to take time to decide if this is right, if you are right for her.

Maybe she’s scared.

Maybe it’s not that there’s anything wrong with you, or that last date, or the way you kissed. But when your lips touched, she realized that she could fall. And falling hurts. Maybe when she leaned into that kiss, she remembered how very hard it was to get back up after falling, and in that moment, all the pain came rushing back. And maybe as much as she tried to tell herself that this is different, that you are different, it’s still terrifying. Maybe she’s pulling away because letting you in is scary and she’s just not ready. Not yet.

Maybe she’s trying to find her bearings.

Did you ever wonder what she was thinking? Maybe there are a thousand thoughts rolling around in her mind. Maybe she likes you, but she’s caught in a web with someone else. Maybe she’s still hung up on a past lover. Maybe she enjoys her selfish, single freedom. Maybe she’s just unsure. And maybe she’s pulling away, not because of you, but because she needs to figure herself out. To breathe and regain her footing again.

Maybe she just doesn’t know.

She doesn’t want to hurt you. She doesn’t want to cloud your mind with lies. She doesn’t want to come off in one way, then suddenly flip the script. Perhaps she’s being hesitant because she doesn’t know what she wants, and can’t bear to play pretend with your heart. Perhaps she feels that spending too much time with you will lead you on, and she doesn’t want to bring you pain. Perhaps she’s pulling away because she doesn’t want to hurt you. Not because she does.

Maybe she doesn’t know how to tell you that she’s feeling differently.

Things have been going alright, but something’s been nagging in the back of her mind. She’s been trying to ignore it, thinking that she hasn’t fully given you a chance, thinking that if she sticks things out and gets closer with you, the indecision will fade. But it hasn’t. And she’s realized that after all this time, she can’t lie to her heart. So she does what she believes will hurt you the least. She begins to fade into the background, working up to telling you the truth—that she so desperately wants to make things work, but they just can’t.

Maybe it’s not what you think, and really she’s learning to let you in.

See, it’s all a balance, a give and take. Maybe she’s not pulling away at all, but keeping things in moderation. Maybe instead of running in the opposite direction, she’s learning how to love you but not let the relationship become the center of both your lives. Maybe she’s not actually drifting from you, but finding a place of peace and contentment within her own heart. Maybe she’s discovering how to let you in. And maybe, what’s between the two of you will become even more beautiful than you think. If you give it time. TC mark

Marisa Donnelly

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

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