I Want To Carve A Place In My Life For You

@criene
@criene

You don’t fit easily into my life. I’ve been independent for too long, stubborn for so many months, never having to account for anyone else’s feelings but my own. I’ve been a little selfish, thinking about my own wants and needs.

And then you came into my life with a crash, spinning me around and making me realize that I didn’t have to be alone to be strong. I could be strong and loved, too.

And so I began my transformation. It suddenly wasn’t all about me, but about how we both could be happier in the arms of another person. It was all about how I could love someone while still loving myself.

I started to find ways to sneak you into my life, giving you room to grow alongside me, wanting you to be a part of who I was, who I am, and what I’m doing. I wanted you to slowly feel comfortable, slowly slip into the patterns of my life and make new patterns with me.

I wanted you to be yourself, as I stayed true to myself, just shifting to accommodate for love.

And now I want to give you a home, here, in the folds of my heart. I want to carve a place in my life for you.

They say you shouldn’t make homes out of people because people leave, but I’ve never believed that. I’ve never thought of people as temporary, even in our impermanence on this earth. People are homes because of the way they make us feel, because of how safe our hearts are when they’re beating in the chests of the ones we love. Because making a home of someone means you allow your lives to be connected. Because that’s what love is, letting someone open your doors, break down your walls, and make themselves comfortable there.

And that’s what I want for you.

I want to carve a space in my life for you, a you-shaped hole that you can fill with your laughter and smiles, your warmth and patience. I want to give you a place that you can call your own, that you can claim within me, and that I can learn to share, even with my stubborn heart.

I want to give you room to grow and become within me, within this connection that we have. I want you to feel safe here, to feel comfortable, to know that I’ve given you this space and that you’re here to stay.

Because I promise you that I’m all in. And I’m not going anywhere.

I want to make you a part of my laughter, a part of my everyday mundane routines, a part of my sleepy self, my angry self, my passionate self, my energized self, my everything-in-between-self.

I want you to be a part of all of it.

I want you to feel at home here, in my heart. I want you to have your own space, just connected to me. I want you to feel like you belong, even if making a home of my heart is scary.

Maybe we don’t fit exactly. Maybe our lives are a little messy, like bent puzzle pieces that don’t quite match. Maybe I’ve been independent and stubborn and flawed and frustrating.

But this is me making a promise to you.
My doors are open, and I want you to come in. And stay. TC mark

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