Growing up is too much.
These were the exact words in my head, just the other day, as I juggled competitive insurance quotes, trying to determine which would be the most cost-effective and reliable, while going through a budget spreadsheet trying to figure out what I could actually afford.
Growing up is normal, but it also sucks. You have to do so many things on your own. You have to understand the ins and outs of language that goes over your head. You have to put on this face of, ‘yeah, I totally know what I’m doing,’ when inside you’re having a complete and total meltdown.
The hardest part about growing up is that it happens so slowly, so gradually, yet the outside world expects it to happen overnight. You’re supposed to graduate from college and suddenly know the ins and outs of the working world, of health insurance, of W2’s and I9s and income tax and deductibles and liability coverage and hundreds of other buzz words that define your personal property and career and basically entire life. And you’re sitting there, ringing your hands, minutes from bawling like a baby, nodding your head like you understand. Because you’re supposed to, right?
Growing up sucks.
There’s no doubt about it. You suddenly have to fend for yourself in a world that’s not always looking out for you. You have to make decisions that you’re not ready to make. You have to watch people around you struggle and triumph and win and lose and you’re somewhere in the mix, trying to find some stable ground to stand on.
Growing up means watching your parents get older. It means losing people you love to death and illness and the natural way of life. It’s stepping into roles you never thought you could, but somehow finding the strength to continue forward and up.
Growing up is in so many ways like running in circles. As soon as you master one thing, there’s something else that needs your attention and as much as you feel like you’re getting somewhere, sometimes you just feel lost.
It sucks. But it’s the reality of life.
And as much as I hate adulting, I’m still going for it. One step at a time.
I’m going to put my fears behind me and inch forward. I’m going to take things slow, listen to those older than me and trust my intuition. I’m going to be patient. I’m going to ask questions. I’m going to stop feeling like the youngest, most clueless person in the room, even if I am, and start stepping into my big-girl, confident shoes. I’m going to be unafraid. I’m going to trust who I am and where I’m headed.
I’m going to stop thinking about where I fall short and focus on where I am going.
And it won’t all fall into place. I won’t suddenly have all the answers or feel like a new person. I’ll still have tough days. I’ll still have unanswered questions. I’ll still fall short and fall down and start over and get frustrated.
But I’ll survive.
And so will you.
One step at a time, one insurance quote at a time, one job, one paycheck, one anxious laugh, one success, one smile.
We’re going to make it through.
And years from now, we’ll look back on our mini-adult, stressed-out-of-our-minds phase, and laugh.