It’s Okay If You’re Not Lonely

Lucy Maude Ellis
Lucy Maude Ellis

The world puts up such a fuss about being single. First, that it’s bad. Or depressing. Or just plain awful, like you should be pitied for being in such a poor state. The world labels ‘singledom’ as this transition phase, like a step in the wrong direction and you must exit as soon as possible. That every day in this terrible place you need to be searching for the one, not actually enjoying where you are.

But I really don’t agree.

I guess I could understand the idea that being single is a phase—I mean, gosh, I hope it won’t last forever. But is being on your own really that bad? I honestly don’t think so.

Being single means that you have plenty of time for deep reflection, solo time, and quiet time in general. When you’re single, you get to be selfish. You get to choose how you want to spend your days and what you want to pursue. You can pick up strange passions, join new groups, and expand your life in ways relationships often unintentionally hinder you from expanding.

You can decide what you want to eat, what time you want to work out, what movie you want to see—all those little, daily choices without having to cater to anyone else’s desires than your own.

You get to be selfish about your time and who you spend it with.
You get to do what you, and you only, want to do. All the time.

And sometimes at a stubborn point in your life, a very independent moment in your life, a post-breakup moment in your life, an angsty moment in your life, or just a plain ole’ moment in your life—you want that.

You want to just be on your own and not caught up in the rush of finding someone and falling in love.

And for everyone in that place—it’s perfectly okay.

It’s okay if you’re not lonely. If you’ve found activities to fill yours days and positive thoughts to fill your mind. It’s okay if you keep yourself busy, and if you’re happy just being instead of being with someone else.

It’s okay if love isn’t on your radar, or if you have a long list of everything you want to do on your own.

It’s okay to be by yourself, and to enjoy that solo company.

I promise there’s nothing wrong with you.
And I promise you’ll still have plenty of time to fall in love.

Right now, it’s okay to just be. To enjoy where you are, who you are, and the stage you’re in. It’s okay to not be pursuing love, or trying to find the one, or getting caught up in the negativity surrounding being single.

‘Single’ is just a relationship status.
It’s not a definition of who you are.Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

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