Dear Dan Turner, You’re No Kind Of Father

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Dear Dan Turner,

I get it. You’re a father and you’re defending your son. You’re standing by him, you’re in full support of him, and you’re being the man he needs, right? That’s what fathers do. They love their children no matter what, they fight for them, despite the obstacles. I understand. I really do. I’m lucky enough to have a father that is my guide, my shoulder, my lifeline.

But I’ll tell you one thing my father would never do. He would never call me blameless when I’m the one at fault. He would never stand in my defense when I’m so far from being right it’s sickening.

See, Mr. Turner, this is where you went wrong—instead of being a father, teaching your son how to be a good man, you made him a victim in his own crime.

Sure, if we want to play dumb, we can all say that Brock is ‘young,’ that ‘he was drunk’ and that he ‘didn’t know any better.’ That’s all bullsh*t.

But the biggest bullsh*t of all, is that YOU know better.

You are an adult man, one who brought a child into this world. One, who at the most crucial time in this child’s life, should point him in the right direction, not try to use his athletic status as a defense for an irreversible crime committed on a twenty-three-year-old girl’s lifeless body.

Not try to pretend, try to claim, try to write a letter in his defense when he’s already been dubbed unanimously guilty.

What kind of message are you teaching him? Teaching every other 20-something male? That the world makes excuses for those with athletic ability? That if you play the innocent, flirty college kid card it’s no longer rape? That there’s more value in having a good attorney and good defense then taking responsibility for your actions?

Who do you think you are?

I’m sorry, but you’re not a father. You’re a coward.

You claim that your son’s life has been “deeply altered forever by the events on Jan. 17th and 18th” but I ask you this—What, exactly has been altered forever? Brock’s eating habits? His demeanor? His swimming career?

What about the young girl who cannot sleep without a nightlight, who cannot go to work for months at a time, who is haunted by memories that she cannot even fully remember?

WHAT ABOUT THE REST OF HER LIFE?

In your letter you say your son’s sentence is “A steep price to pay for 20 minutes of action out of his 20 plus years of life.” Action. Really? You call thrusting an unconscious woman action? What, actions, exactly were happening by a girl who is passed out and incoherent? Let me tell you, since you seem to be a little confused. None.

Those ’20 minutes of action’ were 20 minutes of action by YOUR SON. 20 minutes of RAPE.

Look, Mr. Turner. I read your letter. And I read it again, just to make sure I was actually reading something real and not fake internet crap. I tried to put myself in your shoes, to imagine the embarrassment, the shame, the frustration, the fear. To see how you felt—that defending your son is the only option and I understand. It’s not easy to be in that situation. I get that.

But assault is assault and rape is rape. And consequences are consequences, even if they change a career, or a dream. And no matter how you try to spin it, your son is wrong. And he needs to know that.

He needs to be guided by the man he looks up to.
He needs to be guided by you.

When I read your letter, I thought of my father. And I know he would never stand by and let me get away with something terrible, despite how much he loves me. In fact, it would be because he loves me that he’d watch me fall. Because I was wrong.

See that’s the thing I don’t understand about you, Mr. Turner, and it’s a real shame.

Your son needs someone to admire, someone to guide him, someone to teach him how to treat women, how to be a good man, how to take responsibility for the life he’s now destroyed.

He needs you. But it’s a shame, because you’re no kind of father. TC mark

Marisa Donnelly

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

Trace the scars life has left you. It will remind you that at one point, you fought for something. You believed.

“You are the only person who gets to decide if you are happy or not—do not put your happiness into the hands of other people. Do not make it contingent on their acceptance of you or their feelings for you. At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter if someone dislikes you or if someone doesn’t want to be with you. All that matters is that you are happy with the person you are becoming. All that matters is that you like yourself, that you are proud of what you are putting out into the world. You are in charge of your joy, of your worth. You get to be your own validation. Please don’t ever forget that.” — Bianca Sparacino

Excerpted from The Strength In Our Scars by Bianca Sparacino.

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  • http://lantunanjiwa.wordpress.com Rissaid

    I’ve seen two open letters about this concern, I havent read the news properly but couldn’t agree more with these letters. Thank you for the letter, it’s beautifully written.

  • http://hobsontraining.wordpress.com Michel H

    Well done; Well said.

  • http://allensrepositoryofstuff.wordpress.com allensrepositoryofstuff

    The POS deserves to go to prison like the rapist he is and pay for his crime.

  • https://firedbirds.wordpress.com/2016/06/14/the-world-upsets-me/ The world upsets me – firedbirds

    […] are some links if you’re interested in reading! 1. Dear Dan Turner, You’re No Kind Of Father 2. Joe Biden Pens Open Letter to Stanford Sexual Assault Survivor 3. ‘Rape Isn’t Always […]

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