And Even When I Try To Forget, I Still Hear You

You’re the soundtrack in my mind
spinning, spinning, spinning
I try to press pause but then I hear the beat,
the anticipation, the waiting game until I press play
and fall back into the patterns, the rhythm
of what we used to sound like, bare feet sliding
across the kitchen floor. Sometimes I try to rush
through the tracks, try to get to the end,
find some clarity in the sound
slipping through those speakers.
But when I reach the last song, it only repeats
sings back the melody
I’ve been slowly trying to forget.

But I can’t stop listening.

That soundtrack follows me to sleep, becomes background
music for the scenes of my dreams. I try to run
because that’s what I do when I don’t have the answers,
when I’m afraid of my heart, my head
and what they’re trying to tell me. But even when I run
I’m reminded of you. The shortness of breath
the way you used to kiss me, and suddenly I forget.

And I can’t stop listening.

Now, when night comes, I don’t fight it.
I know I’ll hear your melodies when I wake
and wherever I wander in sleep. So I’ll close my eyes
and let you come to me, speak to me in songs.

I promise, I’ll never stop listening.