You Can’t Tell Me Who To Be When It Comes To Love


I will not be a woman that abides by the ‘dating rules.’

I will not follow the correct path to falling for someone; I will not color in the lines of love. Instead I will draw my own picture, make designs and shapes outside the boundaries.

I’ve never been one to speak cautiously, to love simply, or to have sex quickly and unattached.

In fact, I’ve always done the opposite. Instead our generation’s careless descent into the hookup culture, yet cautious approach to love—I do the complete reverse.

I jump quickly into love and carefully into sexual intimacy.

I’ve never been the type of woman to guard her heart, to be smart about love.
And I’ve never been the type to jump into bed with a man I don’t have a deep connection with.

To me, love and sex have always had their own rules. My rules.

See, I want to fall fast into love, but slow into lust.

I want to scope the mind, not feel a body.
I want to touch a soul rather than someone’s skin.

And I don’t want to be told who and what to be.

I don’t want to be told that I’m not a Feminist because I fall too quickly for men. That I need to be stronger and more independent, not tripping headfirst into love.

I am independent and always will be, even if I fall in love.

I don’t want to be told that I’m not a powerful woman because I let men into my heart. Or that I’m not bold or confident in my body and sexual identity because I don’t sleep with men.

I find my sexual identity in not sleeping around, which is simply my personal choice.

See, the world is wrong for their one-sided perspectives. You can be a Feminist, a strong-willed, self-assured, solo-riding woman who still loves to love. You can still be a Feminist without giving your body to men.

I don’t want to be told who to be. That I should be a woman who loves less, and has sex more. Who follows the rules of dating—don’t be too much or too distant, too committed or too chill, to weak or too strong.

I don’t want to be the woman who always walks a straight line when it comes to men and relationships.

I’m not the kind of woman that does what she’s told and I’ll never be.

I won’t be the woman who does what the world wants.
I won’t be the woman who changes herself for a man.

I will always be the one that loves too much, who falls headfirst, who takes careful steps to intimacy. And the one who doesn’t see anything wrong with that. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

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