The Unspoken Rule Of Modern Dating: If Your Tie Isn’t Straight, Then You Don’t Love Her


If your tie isn’t straight, if your shoes aren’t set on the rug by the door, if your dishes are left on the counter by the sink, then you don’t love her.

See, it’s always been about the little things.

The smallest gestures that show you love someone. That say silently and unconsciously, she’s on your mind.

When you truly love someone, it fills every crease and crevice of your life. You think of that person, their desires, their wants and needs, and you become tuned into those things because they matter. Because that person matters.

You don’t leave your dishes by the sink because it only takes another minute to rinse them and put them in the dishwasher. You don’t walk around the house with shoes on because you know she appreciates her freshly-vacuumed floors.

You put your tie on straight because that shows you looked in the mirror. That you wanted to make yourself presentable. That you thought of not only yourself, but of her, and desired to look your best, because she’s yours and you’re hers.

And those little things matter when you’re in love.

If your tie isn’t straight, you don’t love her.

It’s not because you’re lazy, or forgetful, or made a mistake. It’s because you overlooked this little thing. Which builds into bigger things, which suddenly becomes an attitude of nonchalance. Of indifference. Of falling out of love.

See, when your tie’s straight, you were purposeful. You were dedicated. You wanted things to be right, even the little things. Because little things matter. Because you love her, and your appearance is a reflection of who you are—your happiness, your confidence, and your representation of two people, not just one.

It sounds stupid, doesn’t it? But you get it, right?

It’s not just the one thing, the lop-sided tie that changed everything. It’s the principle of it. The idea that you didn’t look in the mirror. Didn’t ask her to give you a once-over. Didn’t lean into her for a good morning, a good afternoon, a goodnight kiss where she would have immediately pulled back, furrowed her eyebrows, and righted that off-kilter tie.

You didn’t think to involve her in this seemingly mundane part of your life. And it turns out, these moments actually matter more than you think.

Maybe it’s stupid, to proclaim that a tie matters so much.

But maybe it isn’t. Maybe modern-day love really is built on those little moments. Built upon the way we lean into one another, and the way we carry ourselves, show ourselves to the world, boldly proclaiming that Yes, my tie is straight. And yes, I am in love. And I’m proud to show it. TC mark

Marisa Donnelly

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

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The cover and theme for my newest book was inspired by the concept of kintsugi. All that is dark or cracked within us has the capacity to be fixed, to be filled with light. We are never broken. We are always becoming. 

“Live a life that is driven; not by fear, but by love.” — Bianca Sparacino

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