This Is How You Are Keeping Yourself From The Beautiful Life You Deserve (And How To Change)

Benjamin Combs
Benjamin Combs

This is how you keep yourself from happiness:

First, begin your day with worry. Open your eyes and check your phone. Agonize over the texts and you did or didn’t get. Watch all the Snapstories you missed out on. Wonder if he or she is still mad at you, whether you should have made other plans last night, or what you’re going to do today but make no forward motion. Stay still, static, and angry.

Then, start to overthink. Tell yourself you shouldn’t drink that coffee because it has too many calories. Imagine your future spring break body and shame yourself. Put on comfy sweats, then take them off because they’re too lazy-looking. Shimmy on your fancy jeans, then wonder if it looks like you’re trying too hard. Take a selfie. Post it. Then quickly delete it in embarrassment.

Start to stress. Stress over your busy schedule or lack thereof. Or what you should be doing vs. what you are doing. Tell yourself that you’re not enough, that you’re a mess, that you need to get your life together. Tell yourself that you’re never going to figure it out, that happiness will always be just out of reach.

Go about your day expecting the worst, holding onto grudges and anxiety and fear. Dwell in the negative corners of your mind and push other people away. Restrict yourself from doing what you want for whatever excuse or reason. Withdraw inside your angry self and stay there, brooding.

Don’t take the steps to change your mindset. Don’t try to improve. Don’t let love bless your life. Continue on the same, sh*tty road and refuse to let go. Convince yourself that you can fix what you simply can’t. Exhaust yourself trying to change what can’t be changed. Then feel even more discouraged, and let this consume you.

Before you go to bed, check your phone and fill your mind with angry thoughts. Choose not to forgive, choose not to release your tight grip on what you can’t control. Go to sleep with negative voices in your head. And believe that this is how it’s always going to be.

But guess what? This is not how it’s always going to be. Unless you let it. Unless you keep yourself covered and burdened and suffocated and choked by negativity. Unless you break away from the things that drive you crazy and bring you down, and say, I’m done. I’m tired of holding myself back from a good life.

Then, suddenly, you lift the sheet from your face and see the world as it truly is—imperfect, broken, confusing, wonderful, breath-taking, terrifying, messy—and despite the pain, despite the awful parts, and despite every negative fiber pushing against your ribcage, trying to shove its way into your heart, choose to see the positive.

Choose to change your perspective; change your world. And live the life of happiness you have always deserved. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

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