Stage 1: OMGAAAHHHD. I’M SO EXCITED.
This stage has two parts: pre-concert and day of concert.
Months/weeks/days before concert: You and your girlfriend buy tickets. Call each other. Start a FB group of all the things you need and begin hyperventilating with excitement.
Day of concert: You both get dressed, which means packing 1083207 outfits and backup outfits.
Stage 2: Pregaming the pregame.
There’s still four hours before the first act hits the stage, but your bestie’s already drunk, hanging out the window of your truck singing at the top of her lungs and asking random people if they want to play tailgate beer pong.
Stage 3: “I think I’m going to be sick.”
Grab a ponytail or be fully prepared to hold her hair back as she yacks in the nearest trash can or off the side of the road as passing cars honk in celebration. Classy.
Stage 4: False alarm.
Okay, so she didn’t actually throw up. Thank God. Get back in the car/continue walking to the venue. Try to keep it together. Probably hold her elbow to steady her.
Stage 5: Puke and rally.
Okay, she totally threw up. Give her a stick of gum, spritz her with perfume and she’s good to go. Yep, she’s already way ahead of you, mingling with the crowd and asking for beer. You better run and catch up.
Stage 6: Ultimate super fan!!!!!
You’re totally in the venue and made it past security without getting kicked out. Praise the Lord. Now she’s on another level. She’s by the merchandise counter, trying to flirt with the sales guy to get a free t-shirt.
And now she’s screaming the lyrics and dancing like a crazy person. The ultimate super fan. Be casual…AKA watch her from afar and pretend not to be associated with her…until she makes a run for the stage. Then FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, FOLLOW HER.
Stage 7: Playing it cool.
Okay, so you’ve got her under control (the security dude was starting to give you funny looks) and now she’s low-key and casual. You’ve blended with the crowd and she’s sipping a beer and dancing somewhat normally. Crisis averted.
Stage 8: OMG THEY HAVE CHEESE CURDS.
Que the shameless drunk munchies.
Stage 9: He’s so cuteeeeee!
She has digressed to Stage 6, and become an ultimate super fan again. Just try to smile and enjoy the music over her yelling and jumping. Maybe distract her with a BFF selfie. Or something.
Stage 10: More drinks.
She’s ready to go round four? five? and if you’re not game, she’ll grab a random stranger and get him to buy her some shots. Keep tabs on her. And hell, relax. Take a shot or two. Or three.
Stage 11: Shameless flirting.
The shot-buying guy has now become her for-the-moment bae. She’s batting her eyes like a love-sick puppy and missing the show. Get her out of there! Tip: Distract her with food.
Stage 12: Awh, it’s over already?! When’s the next show??
You enjoy the last few songs, and damn, it’s over. You both have had an
awesome crazy time. But she’s not ready to leave. She’s shouting encore and has already started looking up the pre-sale tix for the next show. Lord help you.