Disclaimer: This is not meant to be offensive. It’s meant to be light-hearted, humorous, and poking fun because hey, let’s face it, relationships are complicated (especially long distance ones).
1. The Crappy Texter
You know the type. Short. Succinct. Straight. To. The. Point.
Don’t bother dating this guy long distance if you have any emotional bone in your body because you’ll end up being super disappointed. And your conversations will be guaranteed awkward. How’s your day? Good. You? Good. Good.
2. The Glued-To-The-Couch-Guy
This is the classic Lazy Boy. (And I’m not talking about the armchair.) This is the guy who would rather spend his time, energy, and money (or lack thereof) on video games, pay-per-view movies, and Hulu subscriptions. He’s the epitome of ‘Netflix and Chill’… minus you.
Dating a gamer/couch potato isn’t a terrible idea, but the Glued-To-The-Couch-Guy is the type that won’t make an effort to talk to you, let alone visit you. And if he does, you better believe it’s while he’s mid-game, mumbling under his breath about one of the stupid characters. Thinking about Skyping? Won’t be any better. Your video chats will consist of his eyes glued to a screen somewhere out of your vision while you twiddle your thumbs and tell him random things, just to see if he’s actually paying attention. He’s not.
3. The Too-Cool Dude
This is the guy who can never seem to give you a straight answer about who you are and what your relationship status is. No matter how you try to bring up the ‘what are we’ talk, he avoids or brushes you off. Here’s the thing: when push comes to shove, and you’re halfway across the country, you need a little more than someone who’s going to pacify you with sugar-coated words.
4. The Classic ‘No Time To Talk’ Workaholic
He’s motivated and driven. Good. But he’s obsessed with his job and his money. He might take you to a steak and lobster dinner when you’re in town…but he’ll be on his phone the whole time. And forget trying to tell him something important. He’s too distracted.
Sure, he might be a guy that’s building a sweet future for himself, but getting into a LDR with someone who loves his cash more than a living, breathing human? Not worth it.
5. The Frat Bro You Don’t Want To Babysit From 200 Miles Away
He’s still in his college party days, getting wasted and stumbling home at 4AM. He could be pretty cool, (when he’s sober) but you don’t have the time or energy to be his LDM (Long Distance Mom).
6. The Guy Who’s Too Busy Pumping Iron To Pay You Any Attention
Okay, so he’s muscle-y. He’s smokin’ hot. And he’s the definition of a Hercules hunk. But the only thing he cares about is his body.
There’s a big difference between a guy that loves to workout and train…and a guy who doesn’t care about anything except looking swole and breaking his PRs. No matter how attractive he is, you’re going to get sick of his ‘TTYL Babe @ the gym’ texts and selfies of his abs. He might as well date himself.
7. The Chick Creeper You Can’t Trust Unless You’re Sitting Right Next To Him
This is the guy who has tons of ‘girl friends’ and follows/likes a ton of random girls’ Instagram pics. He might seem friendly and harmless at first, but he’s a big no-no. He’s the one texting other chicks, inviting them to parties, and creeping around behind your back. No one needs that kind of crap in their life, especially long distance.
Let him find someone dumb enough to believe she’s the only one for him and that he’ll change. Yeah, you’ve heard those lines too many times.