I Am Not Any Man’s Personal Porn Star And Neither Are You

Twenty20, wilhughes
Twenty20, wilhughes

Yesterday I came across an Instagram post reading: “A real woman is her man’s personal porn star.”

Really? I thought. Really?! Is that what the world has come to? That the value of a ‘real’ woman is determined by her sex appeal? By what she can do for her man in the sack? **Beep! Beep! Beep!** The feminist alarms in my head were going off at full volume!

I was half tempted to comment on the guy’s post, call him out on how ridiculous it was. Tell him I was personally insulted. That’d teach him! Or, I’d look like that crazy feminist with her hair all frizzy around her head and an ‘I Eat Men for Breakfast’ t-shirt.

For some reason I didn’t comment. I guess I figured I’d save myself the social media argument. I did screen shot it though, with plans to complain about it to my girlfriends over dinner later. But the picture didn’t leave my mind. In fact, it haunted me for the rest of that day.

I kept accidentally opening my gallery, and there it was with its black background and white letters screaming, ‘This is your self-worth. This is how you become a real woman.’ I couldn’t take it anymore. So I took the mature route and commented a face emoji that bore the expression of annoyed/eye-rolling/this-is-dumb/you-are-dumb. It looked something like this (-___-)

Not very mature, I realize this. But I didn’t know what to say. Do I comment on it and start an unintelligent argument about how women should be, as Pitbull would say, ‘a lady in the street and a freak in the bed’? No. Arguing for the simple fact that women are not defined by their rock star sex abilities would be completely lost on this Instagrammer. He probably wouldn’t get it. Or play it off as a harmless joke. And that’s what I hate about the internet today.

People are so quick to post dumb stuff without realizing: a.) the consequences, or b.) what they’re really saying about others, and more importantly themselves.

They don’t think that a picture basically saying a woman’s purpose is to serve her man sexually would be pretty insulting. They don’t realize that saying something ignorant like that would be a complete turnoff to some women. And they don’t realize that the internet is a complete reflection of their character.

The internet today has just become a place of ignorance. With a few clicks, you can lazily search for anything you need without leaving the couch. You can look up a few facts about someone and think you know everything about them. You can write posts and comments instantly, without even having to think. And thus, the mental process is lost. No check-yourself-before-you-wreck-yourself anymore.

If you couldn’t click and post an Instagram in a matter of seconds, would things be different? Absolutely. It’s the ease of technology, the loss of face-to-face discussion, and the media influences on what we ‘should be’ that have warped our generation. And I’m sick of it.

So I’m starting to do something about it…with a stale-face emoji, a screenshot, and a shaking fist.

Stay tuned, I might even start wearing my ‘I AM A FEMINIST’ t-shirt. TC mark 

Marisa Donnelly

Marisa is a writer, poet, & editor. She is the author of Somewhere On A Highway, a poetry collection on self-discovery, growth, love, loss and the challenges of becoming.

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  • http://chewonthewritewords.wordpress.com Chew On The Write Words

    I really love this. What is it about porn that is supposed to seem sexy? Maybe the initial goal of words/pictures like that was to empower a woman to feel like the “other” women in pornography? Who knows. And for me, it always comes across with a lot of pressure and anxiety. Because we’re not self-conscious about sex as it is… (-__-) is right.

  • https://nikivallways.wordpress.com/2015/11/07/shared-from-wordpress-2/ Shared from WordPress | Niki.V.all.ways.My.way.

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  • http://scubajennie.wordpress.com scubajennie

    I think you misunderstood the statement completely. Ask any happily married woman to a happily married man what she or he thinks of this and you will be surprised. This is not an argument you will be able to fully understand perhaps, so I will save it.

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  • http://gmcinci.wordpress.com germanymarie

    I humbly respond with: ‘real men make sure their woman comes first’. Literally.

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  • http://foulkesgeorge.wordpress.com True George

    I’ve never met a woman who objected to being seduced yes even feminist. A two way street.

  • http://thepersonalispolitical2.wordpress.com thepersonalispolitical2

    I completely agree with everything you had said in this post. As women, our worth goes far beyond our sexuality. Pornography does a really great job at making violence sexual. With 40% of pornography showing violence against women, it’s a slippery slope when we start trying to imitate what we see on the screen. You’re totally on point!

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