Sometimes our walls are so thick that it’s nearly impossible for us to escape ourselves and allow others to enter. Each and everyone of us has a past—although ideally we shouldn’t be judged for it whilst living in the present, so often we are as we do the same to others. Depending on life experience, nature, and upbringing we all have different ways of emoting, expression, and feeling as we venture through our lives. Once we realize that our mode of operation is unique to how we perceive the world, we can begin to understand that others are doing the same exact thing—but within their personal context. This leads to the obvious: not to take anyone or anything personal. It saves a lot of heartache, self-criticism and doubt, and unanswered questions. When we must be “convinced” about somebody or something rather than “feeling” favorable or uneasy about them/it, it could perhaps makes the process and experience a bit more difficult to navigate.
1.) Trust how a person makes you feel rather than thinking about why they make you feel that way.
If treated with continuous kindness, respect, and care while both words and actions line up, there is nothing to ponder further. Embrace the current reality of feeling loved and validated without anxiety. If in fact, waiting for the “other shoe to drop” is being felt, this can only cause harm to both you and the person in question. Instead, proceed forward with two shoes securely on and ready to move forward with ease.
2.) Taking tests aren’t fun…especially when there is so much pressure regarding the results.
By making someone jump through hoops to prove their worth, it only causes for turmoil rather than tranquility. Keeping score and notating the 1% negative rather than the 99% positive puts an immense amount of pressure on a desired outcome that may or may not come to pass. Furthermore, it takes the joy out of “learning” about yourself, someone else, and the possibilities of your relationship together.
3.) Allow yourself and your partner to be authentic rather than being “someone else”.
True colors are revealed at some point or another—both yours and the person that you’re with (whether it be on a first date or with a longtime significant other). When you show up each time in the most sincere and authentic way possible, there is no need to hide and pretend. Why would you want to sell yourself as someone else—moreover, sell yourself at all and have someone else sell his/herself to you? Simply said, if you both accept each other for “who and what you are” from the beginning, your time invested will only become stronger and honest in both feeling and decision making. This promotes natural growth as individuals and together as a couple.
4.) “Stare bene insieme” (to be well together) is a holistic approach of positive well-being—mind, body, and spirit for both parties involved.
In Italy, this expression is often used when many couples express their feelings based upon if they “feel good” in one another’s presence. This is also true in general within any interpersonal relationship when one evaluates the intimate circle that they keep. Instead of trying to poke holes, find fault, and hold one’s self or someone else up to nearly impossible standards and heightened expectations, it’s never truly discovered if in fact you both feel good in each other’s company. With less complication comes more clarity.
5.) If someone makes you happy, honor it. If someone makes you feel bad about yourself, then walk away.
Easier said than done, but this could be applied to any principle of life itself. If you feel safe, supported, and content of heart and mind, don’t fix what’s not broken and in turn allow it to continuously grow and transform into something beautiful and whole. If in fact someone tries to break your spirit, there is no reason for further repair. By leaving them behind, you can open yourself up to someone else that can make you just as happy as you make them…with ease. As always, your happiness starts with you first; it’s not something to be convinced about but rather enjoyed as a natural feeling and in turn can be shared.