In all forms of media, family dynamics, friendships, relationships, and instruction; whether academic or through life experience, we’ve been taught what is “right” and what is “wrong” from birth. But who truly determines and decides what is right and wrong? This of course can lead way to a religious, philosophical, and sociological discourse with perhaps more questions than answers. All of this aside, let’s simplify it: what is “right” for me is perhaps not “right” for you and vice versa. If we take an individualized approach, we are creating lives that are unique to our interior and exterior beings—and this is truly beautiful as it allows us all to be interconnected through the human experience. What could feel certain today may be uncertain tomorrow and what feels like dread next week can transform into paradise thereafter. One never knows. Whether we spend our whole lives searching for the “right person” or believe we found them, remember that nothing is fixed and everything changes.
1.) The “love of our life” is the one that makes us feel the most, but he/she will never be permanent.
Whether it be the first or last love, it’s inevitable that the more we feel and are deeply rooted in its sentiment, the more the heart breaks and is open to feel pain. Separation can come from personal choice or through the course of death. Needless to say, it is one of the most difficult hardships to face when it occurs. But allowing one’s self to love and to be loved is the greatest of life’s gifts and lessons. Therefore, this person is/was the right one—but only within a certain period of time.
2.) Every person that comes into our lives is actually the “right one.”
With each and every interpersonal encounter that we have, we all leave a piece of our beings with others as they do with us. It’s not a coincidence, but it happens for a reason. Sometimes we may never think about them again or they may stay with us over time. What creates a deeper impact and connection are the relationships and bonds that we form through integration and how much is revealed and reciprocated; whether it be over the course of an hour or a lifetime.
3.) Quote-unquote “failed” or difficult relationships are the ones that teach us about who we are and what we stand for.
Those who push us to our limits, make us angry to the point of no return, or who belittle us are actually there to serve for a higher purpose. They teach us about self-respect, identifying our self-worth, and how to create safe and secure personal boundaries. They also guide us in the discovery of patience, humility, and knowing when to walk away rather than staying in a toxic situation. Instead of wishing them ill, wish them well—that they are the reason for an internal strength that wasn’t ever imagined or unearthed prior to knowing them.
4.) Declaration of “meeting the one”—said more times that can be counted.
With new meetings, dates, and the start of relationships, it’s possible to get swept away in its excitement. We start to envision a future with a person—that perhaps we have barely even known for 24 hours and trust the “gut feeling” that tells us he/she is the one we’ve waited for. But after we come down from the thrill of it all and start seeing them for who and what they are, they may actually be the one we want to run away from or they in fact want to run away from us. One never truly knows if in fact they found the “one” but in the end, it doesn’t really matter. What matters is both parties grow, respect, and love another with balance and agree to walk a path of self and mutual discovery together.
5.) What we envision the “one” to look like in our mind’s eye is unrealistic.
Our imaginations, laundry lists of the perfect mate, and our heightened desires create a person that exists only within our interior world rather than the actual world in which we live. Of course it’s normal and natural to have standards and reasonable goals/expectations. But when it becomes exaggerated and we adhere to this false perfection, we close ourselves off to reality and from actually meeting someone who in fact can enrich us as we can enrich them.
6.) Timing is everything and timing is nothing.
It is certainly true that we all have different life experiences, situations, and circumstances that have a major impact within the time and space that we’ve lived in the past and we are currently experiencing in the present. But when we use “timing” as the determining factor of if we should or shouldn’t date, enter or exit a relationship, or get married we are cheating ourselves and others. If we want something to happen/change, we will find a way to adjust our schedules and do everything within our personal control to make it come to fruition.
7.) The greatest love of all is not actually given to us by anyone else by rather given to ourselves.
“The greatest love of all is easy to achieve. Learning to love yourself, it is the greatest love of all,” sang by Whitney Houston imparts some of the greatest wisdom. The reason why the “right one” doesn’t actually exist is because you and I both are the “right ones” only for ourselves. No one and nothing else can change us, take away our dignity, and infringe on our happiness if we so choose—as it is not our place to try and control the lives of others, too.