There is no point in expending energy trying to figure out, fix, change, or control someone else or a situation that is beyond repair. Not only does it drain you and leave you frustrated, tired, and confused, it’s simply not your job. You have all to do to help yourself in providing care, nurture, and finding internal answers to questions that have gone a lifetime (thus far) without many responses. The only job you must do is in fact think about yourself in a way that doesn’t cause you or others harm—honoring your basic needs, desires, and self worth as only you can truly rely on yourself to do so.
Think about it from both perspectives for just a moment. Why would anyone want to truly invest and commit themselves to you if in fact you don’t believe that you’re worthy of receiving and growing in that investment and commitment? On the flipside, the same is true in deciding who and what you want to commit and invest in as well. Why would you invest and commit to someone or something who either didn’t want to grow along side of you or bombard you with their insecurities in which they have not yet resolved? This is not meant to say that you should abandon someone or something you believe in—that you can clearly see the potential for a positive outcome. But it’s knowing when to give within reason or when it’s time to walk away for your own self preservation.
One is handled by others in the way that he/she has indicated. If someone is willing to accept the bare minimum, that’s what they will receive. If someone is willing to make excuses for being treated poorly, then the abuse will continue. If someone feels undesirable, no one else will truly see them as attractive as well; or at least in the wholesome way that is truly wanted deep down inside.
However, if you feel whole and complete, you will be treated preciously and with respect. If you are gentle, sincere, and open within yourself and to others, they will respond in kind. Even if perhaps they don’t, it’s not to be taken personally—not your issue, but theirs. If you feel that you are being mistreated and something doesn’t feel right, honor it, leave it, and proceed forward by giving yourself the freedom to close one door as another one opens.
I recently was speaking with my best friend, Matthew, and both of us were saying that we are no longer surprised by the behaviors, words, and actions of others. For the most part, there isn’t much that could truly phase us because we can both see people and situations for who and what they are. By initial sight, a few words exchanged during a conversation and observation, there is a sense of overall understanding. It’s not that we’re making a snap judgment, but we’ve become so attune to our experiences of being human and self-aware—experiencing both the suffering and beauty of life. In turn, it allows us to further empathize, sympathize, comprehend, and not cast judgment on others; whether it’s the first time we meet or with those who have been part of lives for a long time.
When there are no more heightened expectations, criticism, and beliefs that someone or something should be a certain way, the reality actually could be seen clearly and objectively without being clouded by emotional extremes of either positive or negative feelings. But rather a sense of calm and acceptance is the general mode of existing which allows for freedom and honoring personal security while making informed choices. It doesn’t truly matter what someone else does or want, as the same goes for you. What matters is that both you and others find a sense of inner contentment in whatever way serves it’s purpose for the best and for personal growth.
There is one life to live—a life that is fragile, yet rich in opportunity and possibility. Why spend another day lamenting in what could have been or what should be rather than acknowledging what has happened and what is happening at present. Therefore, necessary changes and adjustments can be made if needed that brings more blessings than feelings of being doomed. As Henry David Thoreau so eloquently said, “If one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.” For the past five years, I have kept this citation folded on a small piece of paper in my wallet. I can truly attest to its validity and I hope that you can or will be able to do the same as well.