Committing And Settling: 6 Deciding Factors To Stay Or Walk Away


There is a fine line between committing to and settling for yourself, someone, and/or something. Many times societal, familial, romantic, and professional opinions have programmed us an individuals to believe we are failures if we give up, aren’t able to move forward, and if we throw in the towel rather than enduring. However, each situation is case by case sensitive. Sometimes we are truly champions when we make the decision to free ourselves from personal harm, the harm of others, and/or situations in order to achieve the commitment to our lives we truly desire living. Both principles on the surface may show dedication, determination, perseverance, sacrifice, and discipline. But when considering them in depth, there are marked differences.

1. Balance provides stability and opportunities for growth whereas imbalance provides insecurity and impedes the possibilities.

Commitment highlights the presence of ease, flow, and flexibility that stems from a strong sense of positive self-image, interpersonal relationships, and study/career paths. The investment of time, energy, effort, and resources put forth matches the desired results and outcome in harmony.

Settlement looms a silent resistance that results in indecision, indifference, and fear. It impedes growth of reaching the highest possible potential and reciprocity is not obtained within the relationship to give and receive to one’s self, others, and in professional matters.

2. Believing in yourself to accomplish what you have set out to vs. believing that you must accomplish something to avoid feeling like a failure.

When one’s heart is set out to accomplish a goal with good intention; whether short or long term, setbacks are viewed as stepping-stones for growth and a part of the path. They further fuel your strength and tenacity; benefiting you and all involved. Once reached, there is a sense of pride and well-deserved appreciation.

When one sets out to accomplish a goal half-heartedly; whether short or long term, from the start there is a sense of self-doubt or perhaps uncertainty. Perhaps there is a sensation that something doesn’t feel right yet you ignore the set-backs or see them as frustrating. The idea of sticking it out may feel painful but the idea of failure is perceived as feeling worse. Even if the goal is obtained, the end result may feel exhausting and lack a true resolution.

3. Approaching life’s journey with two feet walking on the path rather than hobbling along with one foot out plays an important role in how the destination is reached.

When one hits his/her stride, two feet walk in unison at a steady pace. Even if there are obstacles and pauses along the way, resuming in natural order occurs without question as it’s second nature. The same could be said for viewing one’s life as a journey. It’s about the process rather then the outcome. When/if the destination is reached, it’s with gratitude.

When one never hits his/her stride or once in a while does, but gets easily thrown off or distracted along the way when obstacles arise, there is a lack of continuity and the false security that one gives themself to run and hide when the journey gets too hard. However, there is the ongoing feeling of being lost and under pressure to arrive at a destination.

4. Knowing what it is you want leads way to self-empowerment whereas letting someone else decide what it is you want leads to co-dependency.

When trusting one’s self and making decisions based upon harmony of the mind and heart through logic and intuition allows for taking control and responsibility for one’s choices, reactions, and rich experiences for clarifying personal standards, preferences, and self-worth. When you are sincere and clear with yourself, you are functioning at your personal best.

When trusting another person to make decisions for you—whether it be regarding relationships, jobs, finances, child rearing, and fields of study, inhibits you from living and thinking for yourself but rather living the life as someone else. The cycle of co-dependency continues due to lack of self-trust and the learned behavior of deferring to others.

5. Finding a happy medium of comprise while honoring your voice leads way to mutual respect between yourself and another while being too rigid or passive doesn’t succeed in affective communication and earned respect.

When one feels secure in their sense of self, needs and desires, there is freedom of expression with an openness to share yet learn from others. Comprises are made without feeling like you are giving up your soul and in turn leaves you and all parties involved feeling more enriched.

When one is very fixed in their ways of thinking and will not deviate and chooses not to share with and learn from others, such aggressiveness makes way for fear based living. On the other end, when one feels insecure and lacks self-esteem, they may feel unequipped to share what it is they truly feel and believe, caving into others’ ways of seeing and thinking. Comprise in both situations doesn’t exist which leads way to settlement under dysfunctional conditions.

6. Knowing when to stay and make it work instead of knowing it’s time to leave while trying to make it work, even though it’s already broken allows for courage on both ends of the spectrum.

It takes courage to commit to one’s self, another person, career/studies, and life in general. Only you can control/change yourself and can evaluate if you are being met half way or enough that sustains you. If you are giving yourself, someone or something your all at 100%, you are continuously making the choice to function at your personal best. Even when there are days you may feel tired and defeated, you find the courage to proceed forward with love, determination, and with unwavering strength. Even when the going gets tough, you believe and feel the benefits of working through it rather than running from it. Chances are your “investment to life” is only growing with natural progression.

It takes courage to identify, realize, and accept that something inside of you, another person, career/study or life in general feels awry. Only you can control/change yourself and evaluate if the pain and suffering of your current reality is worth working through and enduring. You may be giving 100% of yourself, but not receiving the same in return or you may only be functioning at the bare minimum because you feel depleted for whatever reason. When internally you know something is broken, despite how many times you and perhaps others have tried to fix it, it may truly be beyond repair. The truth is, it’s ok. If/when you find the strength and courage to walk away, you will allow for healing that in turn will help you achieve the commitment you want and deserve in your life. Thought Catalog Logo Mark

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