Seven years. Yes, I waited for seven long years just to be with you again. I waited for seven painful years hoping that one day you’ll be here by my side. I’ve been waiting. I’ve been longing. I’ve been hoping.
For seven years, you kept me wondering where you are and what you’re doing. You kept me thinking about where you spend your Christmases or birthdays with. You kept me discerning why you left me.
I’m not just waiting for you to come back. I’m also waiting for an answer. I’m waiting for the reason and the explanation why you left. I thought you love me. I thought you care. Why in the world would you want to leave without even saying? Why in the world would you keep me thinking about reasons? Why would you leave someone you care for? Why would you even leave someone who loves you?
Well, that’s not really the issue. You’re back. After seven long and painful years. You’re back. You’re here with me. You just came back without even explaining where you went and why you left. I’m such a fool for taking you back. That’s probably what people do when they love someone—they give them chances after chances… even if it’s agonizing.
I am very happy. I wasn’t happy that you left but I’m happy that you’re back. That you’re here to love me, to care for me and to be there whenever I need someone to lean on. I’m happy that you’re here to protect me from my depression and from the wickedness of the world. I’m happy to know that we’ll be happy together, again. Or so I thought.
I’m just a girl wanting to be loved. I am a girl who wants to feel that I am loved—that I am important; that someone cares for me. I am a girl with simple dreams. I just want to be happy. I just want to be happy with the people I care for. Yet, I was deprived of these. I never felt being loved by someone. I never felt being the important one. No one really cared for me. My dreams might probably just dreams; or worse yet, it can be shattered dreams. I’ll never be happy. I’ll never be happy because I’ve been looking for that missing piece of me. I can’t live my life knowing that something, a part of me, is missing. That’s you.
And now that you’re back, you gave me hope to fulfill my wishful thinking. You gave me hope that I’ll be loved; you gave me the faith that someone will finally truly care for me. But I was wrong. I was actually wrong. I was wrong for thinking that someone will ever love me the way I am. I am wrong for thinking that someone will accept me fully. I was wrong for thinking that someday, someone will see me as an important part of their life. I was wrong for hoping, waiting, and longing.
Yes, you’re back. You’re here again. But why can’t I feel it? Why can’t I feel your love? Why can’t I feel that you truly care for me? Sometimes, I’m thinking that you came back because you pity me; because there’s a guilt within you that you want to unleash.
I know this sounds ironic but even though I waited for you for seven years, sometimes I wish you just left and never came back. It’s better if you just left and hurt me once than being back here but you’re hurting me every single day. I’m hoping that you’ll be able to see and read this and as you read this I’m hoping that you’ll know that it’s you. Because Dad, the guy I’ve been pertaining to is you.