Most of us have had a past significant other. Whether the connection with the person you were “just talking”, friends with benefits, or a long-term commitment, most of us can admit we have cared for another person romantically. With any connection, most of us go into it with pure intentions, hoping for a connection full of commitment, trust, love, and sacrifice, but sometimes, these connections do not always fulfill the desires we had planned out in our minds. We must be reminded that with every connection, there is a potential for a disconnection, leaving us filled with pain, disappointment, and loss.
As humans, we must acknowledge the fact that we do not write the script of our lives, how others treat us, or who is meant to stay with us, because we have no control over these aspects of our lives. So if we are faced with a hurtful disconnect with someone we once cared for, the questions raised here are: Where do you stand with your pain and how do you handle it? Do you run from it, do you acknowledge it, or do you try to heal it?
If we do experience a disconnect with someone we cared for, we often feel pain, loss, and grief. How people react to their pain from a romantic disconnect varies.
Maybe you start to put your guard up again and refuse any romantic opportunity because you fear feeling that type of pain that you have once felt, leaving you emotionally guarded. You might start saying no to every new person, new date, and new experience, and might start to find comfort in loneliness.
Maybe you throw yourself so hard into your work, because to you, staying busy and keeping your mind off things is easier than trying to acknowledge the internal pain that you are feeling.
Maybe you become cold because you feel that running away from love instead of facing it and challenging it is the solution.
Or maybe you do not care about putting your guard up and you exude that bad boy or bad girl energy that jumps into something fast, because you feel that replacing your deep-routed pain with someone new and temporary is how you deal with your pain.
Whatever your coping mechanism is varies, but we all have one and justifications as to why we react to our emotional damage in a certain way. The issue here is, if we do not acknowledge our pain and take the time to heal our wounds from our past connections before we go and try loving someone new, our mindset, actions and the way we perceive what a healthy relationship is will never get reset and reprogrammed, which can lead to projecting past wounds onto a new person, minimizing the potential of experiencing a connection in a normalized and healthy way. If we do not try and heal our past wounds, we might still be holding onto past baggage, pain, patterns, and old ways of thinking into a fresh connection. To have a stable connection, it must be built on a solid foundation, and that starts within you.
Maybe in your past relationships, you were being manipulated. You were communicated false promises, you experienced love-bombing, or maybe you were being cheated on. Maybe after experiencing this, you lost yourself, forgot about your worth, and started feeling insecure. It’s harsh, and it’s painful, but you aren’t alone. Many of us have experienced some of these cases that only scratch the surface of the type and severity of the kind of pain individuals have experienced because at the end of the day, we are all human and pain and loss is inevitable.
As humans, we all experience dark times; however, we must remind ourselves that there is beauty in darkness. We do not have to fear the dark times or shy away from them but rather truly embrace them by finding our strength through enlightenment, resulting in a positive transformation within ourselves. When we acknowledge our dark times, it sheds light on the parts of ourselves that we should heal. If we start to understand our pain and heal it, it allows us to ask ourselves why we might be reacting in a certain way or projecting certain actions or emotions onto ourselves and the ones around us. You begin to question why you are emotionally guarded or emotionally unavailable, finding fast pleasure through temporary people, or turning to other things to fill the void; if we go inwards with these dark times that we experience, the darkest secrets that we hide from ourselves become revealed and understood.
When we take the time to heal from past connections, it allows us to finally build up the emotional capacity to experience and try at a new connection again, because isn’t that our purpose on this earth? To love?
When we heal, we can be conscious about not carrying past baggage and projecting our wounds onto a new fresh connection and to a potential love interest who may genuinely just want the best for us. When we acknowledge the agony from our past and heal from it, we become open-minded to the idea that not everything that we have experienced in our past connections will reoccur with someone new. When we heal, we understand ourselves more and raise our vibration so that we only allow the treatment we know we deserve.
When we acknowledge our past heartache in previous connections and try to heal from it, we awaken to knowing that everyone comes into your life for a new experience, to teach you more about yourself. We begin to understand the fine line between being naïve and being a skeptic in the means of romance. When we heal, we realize that there are still authentic people out there who have the same values as you and who genuinely want the best for you.
When we heal, we realize that our past experiences, our old ways of thinking, and pain we have once experienced do not have to control our future. When we heal our past wounds before we go and try loving someone new, we begin to understand that we are in control over the treatment we accept and the way that we perceive and experience love.