Ladies, has this ever happened to you? — You spend a good hour at the bar flirting with a cute guy next to you. You think you’re getting a date, when your cute blond friend swoops in like a hurricane and starts yakking it up with him without bothering to assess the situation.
A mere half hour later, she’s giving her phone number to Mr. Handsome and the two of them schedule a date for next Friday.
Or how about this one? — You start dating a seemingly perfect guy. You have six dates and everything is going great. You start to envision a white picket fence with 2.5 kids, a golden retriever and kind (but non-meddling) in-laws. He asks if you can introduce him to your friends, so you arrange a party. And then…
BOOM! Your friend (you know the one — the redhead with the skinny ass and the huge tits) waltzes in and a few weeks later, the two of them are sending out ‘hold-the-date’ invitations and asking you to serve as maid-of-honor.
You have no idea how it happened. All you know is that another woman, you’re so-called friend, stole “your” boyfriend. (What a BITCH! … Right?)
Nobody can STEAL a man from you. If he leaves, it’s not because of another woman. He leaves because HE WANTS TO!
That’s right, ladies. Even though your girlfriend broke the girl code by taking off with a guy you clearly like, he left on his own accord. She did not tie him up and drag him away. She did not drug him and kidnap him. He left because he chose to leave. He wanted her — not you.
If he wanted to stay, a horde of naked courtesans could not pry him away from you. He left simply because he liked the other woman more than he liked you. If it weren’t her, it would have been someone else — or no one else. But he would leave sooner or later.
Of course, it’s so much easier to blame the other woman. You don’t have as much of an investment in your relationship with her, as you do with the man.
Plus, blaming and confronting the guy may worsen the already ugly situation and push him to leave (if he were not already prepared to do so). Right? And being on your best behavior and promising your sweetest, nicest, and most loving attitude as his girlfriend might change his mind to stay. Maybe? Possibly?
No! If a man wants to leave, he will leave, no matter what you say or do. It just so happens that he left you for a woman you called “friend,” which hurts more.
The best thing you can do in such a situation is walk away with dignity.
Now, I’m not suggesting you become best friends with him and his new love (your old girlfriend) — although I’ve seen cases like that and they seem to have worked for some.
So how do you retain your dignity if the man you like is more interested in one of your friends?
1. No matter what, don’t complain to anyone (even your BFF) that “the bitch” stole your man.
If you choose to complain at all, complain about HIM. He’s the one who left you.
2. Don’t call the other woman to confront her about it.
There is no point. She chose to discount your friendship to make a move on the guy. Clearly your feelings didn’t stop her before. Therefore, they will not stop her now.
3. Don’t arrange to ‘accidentally’ bump into them hoping to shame them as a couple in person.
If they were not ‘shamed’ before, seeing your face will change nothing. And you never look powerful in this position.
4. Don’t show up in his office or watering hole hoping for an explanation.
If he hasn’t presented you with one when he left, doing so on his turf will only get ugly.
5. And whatever you do … DO NOT WRITE TO HIM (that includes text, email, or other electronic messaging means) or send him a VIDEO of yourself reminding him what a good couple you were and how ‘perfect’ your relationship was.
No, sweetie. Just, no. In the best case scenario, he’ll just sigh and delete the text. Worst case? He’ll show it to a bunch of his buddies and/or his new girlfriend during happy hour as a means to entertain the crowd and justify leaving you.
Walk away from this situation with dignity, my dear.
I’m not saying it doesn’t sting. But resisting it will only make the situation worse. So walk away and get ready to meet the guy who’s truly right for you.