You know that fascinating idea that pops into your mind every now and then? The idea of “taking time off”, “isolating yourself from the society”, “Spending time by yourself”.
Sounds amazing, it really does. Except when it goes down to actually doing it not everyone can find comfort in their own company.
The silence makes you panic. The phone doesn’t buzz, but still you scroll down your social media platforms to avoid being one-on-one with your own thoughts. Even when you’re eating all by yourself, you can’t wait to finish, so can go back on doing any type of work that keeps you away from yourself.
Even now, me sitting on my own bed, writing this article that I have no idea if anyone will relate to, trying to stop my mind from jumping from one thought to another. It’s exhausting.
Seems ridiculous, I know. But it’s only natural to feel alienated towards yourself time to time. Or at least that’s what I tell myself, until the time comes when something erratically happens that makes me go “Oh, so that’s what was going on!”. Apparently, that’s life. And you learn from it. Through every phase.
But even though I look at it from a positive perspective with the “Everything will be ok in the end. If it’s not ok, it’s not the end” quote pinned in my mind (because my friend keeps repeating John Lennon’s wisdom to me whenever I feel “weird”), I still can’t help, but wonder why this happens, if it’s supposed to be a “time to heal” and “get reenergized”.
Are we really so scared of our true selves that we never dare to go deep enough and discover what we’re really made of?
Since when are we so obsessed with being a certain way or the opposite – having no clue who we are – that we drown ourselves in work, study, chores, social events and everything else to avoid facing ourselves?
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy social events, I love my work and chores, they are a part of us. But in the back of my mind I always have this vision –
Me. No roof above my head, no food, no family, no friends, no access to anything. Just me. Who am I when it’s just me?
If one day everything is taken away from you and all you have left is your mind, will you be able to face yourself?