I never wondered how it would be.
Never imagined a future with you.
Never saw myself wearing a white dress
Neither our kids growing up. Their names…their faces.
I never saw us move ahead.
What I saw was the moment;
Exact moments you and I had.
When I lay my head on the table, and you petted my hair.
When I held your hand and pulled you close.
How much I hated you when we were kids.
How you looked at me concerned, but happy.
I remember the moments.
I will always remember the moments.
I will keep listening to that song and have mixed feelings and happy tears.
I will keep looking at your photos and smile…and blush.
I will keep going to church and pray for you
Even though I don’t believe in God.
I will always turn around when I see a guy with a hoodie
And I’ll always stop and close my eyes the moment I smell your cologne on someone passing by.
I will always miss your sarcasm
and those short periods of time when you were completely honest with me.
I will always remember that you were a moment in summer
A moment that took five years to come
A moment I’ll never forget.
I will always see you as an old friend who saved me at the right time.
I will always want to figure you out
And I will never stop until I get to know you.
I will never give up on you,
Even if you give up on me
Because you didn’t give up on me for years,
Now it’s my turn.
You will always remind me of childhood
And you will always, unintentionally, remind me of who I used to be.
I will always think of entering that pub
And I will always hope I bump into you on the street.
I will always dream of us sharing a cigarette and watching the stars
while talking nonsense.
I will always be jealous of your ex-girlfriend
And I will always compare myself to her.
I will always casually text you
And I will always hope you smile while reading my texts.
I will always hate the fact that I can’t cry over you, though I really miss you
And I will always wonder if what we had was love.
I will always hope I changed you.
At least for a little bit.
And I will always be thankful you stopped the time for me.
I wish you do that again.