When you open a calendar and see that another anniversary of your relationship is coming up, some might think that you get excited. But well, the excitement was present on the first year, second year, third year……but sixth years? Seventh? More? Are you still excited, or are you panicking?
Every person who has been in such long lasting relationships can understand that. The feeling of long term commitment and the existence of all those amazing memories. But together with it comes a splash of boredom and desire for something new.
There’s no doubt that in all those years you’ve changed. No one stays the same. Everyone becomes more mature and experienced. Mentalities change, as well as goals and dreams. And so changes the relationships and the way we look at them. There’s no way that you love your boyfriend the same way you did years ago. And there’s no way that you can change it to the way it was in the beginning. It’s kind of like the same desire as wishing to be a kid again. To be irresponsible and secured. But we can’t be that way anymore, can we?
Because of being an optimist and because of appreciating that person and the memories you created with him, you try to fix the relationship by trying to be better; more attentive, more romantic, closer and kinder than before. Sometimes, for some people it works out. But other times, nothing you do rationally can change how you feel.
You can’t make things work if you don’t feel like it. You can’t make yourself fall in love with him again because you feel bad for him and everything you will lose.
By doing so, you only live in a lie and slowly destroy both of you not just together, but also separately. Your mind thinks that there is a problem to solve, while your heart refuses to follow its lead. It causes depression and anxiety.
So, don’t torture yourself, it’s not worth it.
I know that the biggest fear is not only the loss of precious memories and all that time you wasted on each other, but also the fear of losing a friend. The fear of not seeing him or hearing his voice every day. The fear of not being able to talk to him about everything. The fear of not having someone who will hold your hand and make you feel safe.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. If you have been dating for that long, there’s a good chance that your friendship will last while your relationship won’t. You will still be able to talk and hug, and create great memories in the future. THAT you CAN work on! That’s what you SHOULD work on.
We don’t know why this happens, why, for some reason, we feel like starting something new and committing to it for years and then, all of the sudden, start questioning things. But that is life.
And one thing that we all get to know as we grow up is that everything changes. Nothing stays the same. So, do not blame yourself for feeling how you feel. It’s natural! And remember that ending a long term relationship is not the same thing as Giving up. It’s more like – Moving forward.