Now That You’re Gone, This Is What I Have To Say

I loved you. I really did. I always will. I love the way your eyes would dart up and look for mine when you heard my heels or my laugh. I love the way you’d smile at me saying so many things yet nothing at all. Has anyone ever told you how beautiful your eyes are? They’re breathtaking. You have made brown become my favorite color. Your eyes pierced into me in ways I didn’t know was humanly possible.

I never thought laughter could be so intoxicating. How could it be that we stayed up until all hours of the night telling each other secrets? Or better yet, why was it so easy to bond in this way? Our conversations echo in my head sometimes. It’s heartbreaking to know I won’t be hearing about the next big thing in your life. Somehow, I am still convincing myself it is for the best.

Do you remember the first time we kissed? I think about that day all the time. There were so many moments before the actual kiss that I was thinking “is it going to happen now?” I was nervous but I felt such a calm with you. Since then the calm comes and goes. Falling in love with someone like you has taught me more things about myself then I could’ve ever imagined.

Do you remember feeling the end coming? I think about that day too. To feel someone slip away, to watch as their presence dissipates slowly, feels like air is escaping your lungs.

It’s a little weird now, you know. Seeing things that remind me of our first date. Hearing the music that I played as I changed my outfit for the 100th time. Convincing myself it wasn’t a date only to hear you say it was and changing 100000 more times.

We had fun, though. Didn’t we?

I write everything I can’t say.

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