This Is The Letter I Wrote My Lover When We Were On The Brink Of Breaking Up

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Nick Karvounis / Unsplash

There are so many things you learn how false they are when you grow up. Like the fact about Santa’s existence, the idea of your parents being able to do everything and how love alone can fix all things.

You think everything is going perfect. You think nothing will beat your bond. You have met the love of your life and nothing ever could draw you apart. You think you know each other well nothing can come between you but this is not how life works.

Wrongdoings are wrongdoings. I thought it was clear to everyone, right? No, wrong. Because don’t we all fall in wrongdoings that we know are wrong. Don’t we all hope they’re not as wrong as they seem. Don’t we throw ourselves in shitty matter sometimes and think we know how to keep ourselves clean.

I remembered that and thought it must be your excuse. Thought maybe you’ll come back, realize your mistakes, look around and understand this is not your place, not where you’re supposed to be. I thought everybody deserves a space to do whatever he wants and maybe this was just your time, you know.

But dear, not until it was obvious that we were growing apart, that our conversations seemed for the first time to be standing before gates it had no keys for, that you were no longer conscious of yourself and your mistakes have started to become who you are.

Not until this happened that I realized something was wrong. You’ve changed. I’ve changed. Things weren’t as perfect as I once thought they were.

I have to tell you, when distance grows a little too much, it’s either you will miss something terribly or forget what it felt like while close altogether. I have to tell you I almost forgot. At some point, I didn’t understand what the fights were even about.

If someone wants to go in a way, why on earth would you think that your love could make them change their mind? I have to tell you I almost gave up.

But you see, part of love is not thinking that you know what is best for whom you love but being sure, dead sure, of what is not good for them. Because you see the ones you love for who they really are. This is not something you could be mistaken about.

And I knew you and I loved you and I knew that the person you were assuming to be your new you that can’t be changed is nothing like you. It is just a sea you’re drowning in and the simple fact of loving you was a reason enough to fight for dragging you out of it.

Shakespeare said it before, you can’t be a coward and in love. You have to choose one. I loved you and for you, I chose to be brave. But showing my love wasn’t always kisses and cuddles.

Showing my love sometimes looked like a coward. Sometimes it was fighting and yelling and telling you that you’re messing up. It was helping you the best way I knew how. Showing the real support with reminding you of who you are.

Showing my love was sometimes dumping each other for days because I knew that of all the wrong things you were doing, forgetting what we are wasn’t one of them. You came back for that. Angry, unsettled, clueless sometimes but you came back. It was your way of admitting you want yourself back. It was broken like you, beautiful like you and it was enough to show you that my love wasn’t always this tough.

It was enough to have you in my arms, us embracing for hours and saying nothing. It was taking our steps to healing together because we are in this together. We have been in this together all from the start. It was our silent moments knowing how our love was tough not because it was heartless but because it shall stand through thick and thin.

It is the one thing I want us to remember for the rest of our lives. That no matter how tough things get or how impossible our problems seem, if you believed in our love like I do we will solve every hardship we face.

There are so many things you learn how true they are when you grow up.

Like how people can change if they want to,

how scars sometimes make us more beautiful

and how love can really fix all things only that sometimes, it can’t do it alone, it needs effort as its companion. TC mark

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