I know what you are doing. I have done that before. Maybe just exactly as you’re doing it. Like I have seen you through some lens that defies times and space. I know what you are doing. I, too, have waited before.
I have waited for things to happen.
I have waited for love to come and visit me. Believe me, I did.
I have waited for that unexpected happiness. You know, the kind you hear about when people talk about the best surprise they can remember.
I have waited. I have waited for someone to care enough to pass by my house just to see how I am doing. For the phone to ring because someone missed me. For a friend to call and invite me for coffee because they knew I was so sad lately. Believe me, I have waited.
I have waited for that turning point. For that love people tell me I deserve to show up — because when it didn’t I was there in my room stuffing my mouth with all kinds of food, screaming where the hell are you.
I have waited for people to understand me. To give me a space to be me.
I have waited for someone to give me a second chance and sometimes I have waited for life to give me a second chance.
Sometimes I wake up and blame life for making me stupid or for putting me into situations that I couldn’t handle.
You see, I, too, have waited before and here is what I have learnt. That way, that kind of waiting, doesn’t work.
Life doesn’t want you to wait. It wants you to get up and do something. To grab what you want from life. To realize that love doesn’t hold your life.
That the second chance is one you get with every dawn that you get to witness. That strength is something you can teach yourself and not a hereditary trait.
That being yourself is something that needs no one’s permission. That the only lock that could be put on your mind or your mouth is the one you put for yourself. That care is something we can give to ourselves, at least enough to get us by.
Life doesn’t want you to wait. It wants you to grab what you want from it and if you cannot grab it then don’t just stand there, waiting.
Instead, do something else. Enjoy some other beauty in life. Seek another desire. Understand that this vast space around you doesn’t want you to stop exploring it just because one thing was too stubborn to follow your hands.
Let that stubbornness go. You don’t need it as much as you think you do. Not in that way. The way where you’re waiting because you believe you deserve — because hell, you deserve a lot of things. But this is not how everything works around here.
You must understand that certain things in life will want you to be stubborn. That success is not going to come by waiting. It’ll come by fighting every hardship. Life doesn’t just happen.
It happens when you refuse to take no for an answer. That light won’t enter if you refuse to open the curtains.
But sometimes things like unforced love, and a good friend that only seeks your safety, and a relationship in which you give your all while the other party only gives half of themselves — these are things you can’t change.
I want you to understand this. I don’t want you to waste a lifetime on waiting. I want you to live as much as you can. To live even if that life would break your heart because anyways there is no such a thing as not letting the world touch you.
I can’t tell you that love is not important, that people showing you little signs of how much you mean to them is not one of the most beautiful feelings in the world.
Neither can I tell you that people come out of this life receiving every little thing they have ever deserved. In both cases I’d be a liar. Because I know that people don’t always get what they deserve.
But here is one other thing I know, one other thing I believe in with enough certainty to tell you about, the worst case scenario, the very worst, you’d receive as much love as you give in this world.
The best case scenario, you’d receive the love you gave multiplied to infinity.
And believe me, this world has so much to give, so damn much and sometimes all it needs from you, is to ask.