If you have ever cried yourself to sleep. Seeked shelter in the darkness of the night. Walked through the rain glad no one could see your tears, as cliché as it sounds, as hurtful as it is. If you have ever changed the road and took some other way because you were trying to avoid his memory. Saw him across the street and your heart fell from its place because it still beats for him. If your heart was torn apart a little when the movie you used to watch together came. If you couldn’t stop the tears, I want to tell you I am here for you.
If you could not move on like you think you should have. You choked a little when someone passed next to you wearing the perfume he used to wear. Put your hand over your chest trying to understand the feeling beneath it when someone brought his name. If you still cared. Still asked yourself why he left, I am here to tell you it’s okay.
If you ever missed him on a Sunday morning and thought you should call him again, another cup of coffee might bring his feelings back, the ones that left with no explanation. If you ever waited for him to come back. Kept your door open. Kept your heart open thinking that only if he entered again you’ll be able to breathe right the way you should. If part of you didn’t mind to beg him to get back because it thought that only he could save you, I’m here to tell you that no. You don’t need him to save you. You can always save yourself.
Look, I hate it when someone doesn’t know his worth but you do that all the time. You keep thinking that you are the mistake. That it must have been you. That you must have pushed him away but that ain’t always the truth. You see, it’s great for one to be honest enough with himself and admit his mistakes. To analyse what you have done for maybe you’d find something you didn’t notice before. But do you really do that. I will tell what I think. You only take wild guesses. Create reasons that weren’t even there. Try to excuse the one who hurt you by acting like maybe you deserved it. You think of possibilities a lot, of why it had to happen, though your heartbreak is certain and it screams that it should not have happened.
Ever heard this quote by Kate Dicamillo before, “There ain’t no way you can hold onto something that wants to go, you understand? You can only love what you got while you got it.” I want you to remember that.
When he left, he left. IT doesn’t make you a bad person. It doesn’t make you incapable of love. If someone doesn’t know your worth it doesn’t mean that you are unworthy, it just means he didn’t see it. If someone thought that maybe you’re not the best for him, why can’t you think that maybe it was him who was not right for you.
Why can’t you believe that you deserve someone who stays? Someone who counts you as his biggest blessing. Someone who appreciates how you love him in the best way you know how.
I understand that on days you barely grasp for air because his abscense is too much to take. And I understand that we would never hate people just because they don’t love us the same way. I wouldn’t want you to hate him for he left, good hearts would not do that, instead, they forgive. I understand that you can miss him because one doesn’t easily forget whoever was part of his life, but it’s you who should understand that just because you miss him doesn’t mean you need him back in your life, doesn’t mean you can’t live without him.
You must understand that you deserve someone who loves you for you.
Who sees you and knows you are the one he has been looking for his whole life and until you meet that person you have to be sure that you can live this life on your own. You can still be great without someone assuring that to you all day. You must know that you can teach yourself to find peace and love in your presence and your presence only. That way you save yourself. That way you’ll be sure that if someone was brave enough to want to be near you and if you were ready enough to share your presence with someone else, it’d be for the right reasons. Where each of you knew his own worth but was willing to finally love the value of the other partner, not himself and that is the selfless love you deserve, where you don’t necessarily lose yourself but where yourself find another self worth loving.
I understand that you can want him to save him but you must understand you can be your own superhero. You can save yourself just by being who you are. Just by standing there not changing your heart for anyone. Do not try to change for him or for anyone thinking that maybe then you two would fit more. Understand that for the right person, you’d fit just perfectly. Just like you are.
You save yourself by knowing that you are more than what he saw in you. That just because there is a reflection of another woman in the lens of his eyes doesn’t mean that you don’t exist. You are beautiful for who you are, him leaving won’t change that.
My dearest, I want you to know that you can save yourself every day.
That you have done that way more than you think already, when that little heart of yours was broken but it kept pumping blood. When that little heart of yours was broken but it continued to love and to forgive.