Asking someone why they’re still single is kind of like asking someone in the Special Olympics why they haven’t made it to the “real Olympics” yet. (Newsflash: it’s rude.)
No one ever said growing up would be easy, but the process of pushing through it, of making new goals and meeting them bit by bit, is what shapes us into the people we will eventually become.
And what did all of those hours devoted to the big orange couch get me? I’ll tell you what: A life built on deception.
It ain’t over till the fussock sings.
As hard as I’ve tried to ignore the words coming out of their mouths, it’s nearly impossible considering the rest of the aircraft is silent and I’m sitting right next to them. Besides, they’re hilarious, and far be it from me not to make fun of them.
The booby didn’t even look before driving through the intersection! I could be a cripple right now!
Even though weddings are perhaps the paragon of things we do “in the name of love,” I’m confident my mother would have a conniption fit if I told her I wanted Def Leppard on my playlist.
The next day, I told one of our mutual friends the whole story and she looked embarrassed. “What,” I asked. “Well,” she started, “Jonny told me he only wanted to go back to your place because he needed to poop and didn’t want to do it at the bar.”
Hmm, what are you doing? Well, you’re sitting on your couch in sweatpants, eating cold pizza and watching several backlogged episodes of Extreme Couponing in order to make room on your DVR for Swamp People. But you can’t say that — he’d think you’re a total weirdo.
Pick ONE chapter, read (or skim) it, then spend five minutes thinking of something mildly interesting or intuitive to say about it. That way it looks like you read, and you’ll knock out a class participation requirement. The same goes for papers — choose a topic or theme that’s contained in only a few chapters of a book, read those chapters, and you’ll be as informed as you need to be to write a well-thought-out essay.