1. You don’t smoke, but if you did, it would be with your easy, breezy, beautiful Italian co-workers. Equipped with cologne and fancy Italian shoes, no one looks classier smoking a cigarette than they do.
2. You realize you own almost no jewelry. The servers wear lots of shiny things on their ears and wrists and you’re like “Hi. I got my ears pierced at Claire’s when I was 21.”
3. You have no idea what your boss is saying to you. He could have said “Great job. You rock!” Or “You’re fired. Get out of my restaurant. Leave your polo by the hostess station.” Just pick whichever one you like better.
4. You know more about wine than beer. You are high class. You could throw a wine tasting party for all your college friends and everyone would be wildly impressed. Get to work on that romantic, jazzy playlist, featuring Michael Buble, Etta James, and every version known to man of “It Had to Be You.”
5. You know that there is more to Italian cuisine than spaghetti. You even know how to pronounce some of it. You also don’t know how to pronounce all of it, but that’s ok because you’re doing your best and you’re good at other things.
6. You are pretty sure some of your co-workers were in at least one episode of Jersey Shore. And probably got paid for it.
7. You know how to fold napkins all fancy-like. And you’re ready to whip those skills out for a Valentine’s Day dinner date. Or so you can have something nice to wipe the Nutella off your face.
8. The saying “Wine taste on a beer budget” couldn’t be truer. You might be drinking tap water from a red Solo cup, but your wine glasses are polished more carefully than the spectacles of your anal-retentive statistics professor.
9. You love bread. You think you’d gain weight from the surplus of bread, but it’s ok because you’ve walked at least 22 miles in your 8-hour shift.
10. Every time you’re at work, you want to fall in love. The music, wine, candles; if your soul mate is out there, you’re meeting them punched in, on the clock.
11. People will try to pay with super heavy credit cards and you’ll be like “I cannot accept this as a form of payment.” JUST KIDDING. You’ll ask them to sign the merchant store copy like it’s your birthday. Then they’ll invite you to party on their multi-million dollar yacht.
12. Your co-workers look out for you like they’re family because that’s just how Italians roll. It’s awesome.