5 Things All Girls Can Learn From Maleficent

Maleficent (Blu-ray)
Maleficent (Blu-ray)

When the trailer for Maleficent was released, I could barely contain my excitement. Angelina Jolie’s cheekbones in 3D. A creepy Lana Del Ray cover. All that and a “misunderstood” villain! Disney’s apologizing for the subtle and not so subtle sexism displayed by the pioneer Disney princess tales and is, instead, treating us to a dynamic female protagonist who has something to say to young girls. And old girls.

It’s ok to be pale.

Typically, being pasty-white reminds us of weakness, fragility, or death. But here we have Angelina Jolie, one of the most stunning women in the world, portraying a character of great strength and vitality. Eye make-up and a bold lip color may certainly enhance your beauty, but porcelain skin is nothing to be ashamed of. You can be natural and fierce, without being a slave to the tanning bed.

Never settle for less than you deserve.

If you only know one boy in your little village, you’re going to think he’s a total catch. Girl, look in a pond or something. You’re a mini Angelina Jolie. Your best dating years are from ages ten to sixteen, and you’ve wasted all of those on a Lord Farquaad wannabe.

Don’t have sex.

Someone you grew up with will try to reconnect with you once your cheekbones develop. He’ll offer you a drink, take your most prized possession, and turn into a total douche. And you will be left all alone, with no one but your faithful crow for companionship. You’d like to have kids but for now you’ll just watch your ex-boyfriend’s daughter grow up through her bedroom window.

Be wary of that guy you met one time in the woods.

He knows that if the only interaction you’ve had with your father in 16 years, is an awkward hug, you have major daddy issues. He’ll try to kiss you while you’re passed out and he’ll think that it’s ok because he knows your name and all of the fairies were pressuring him to do it.

You don’t need a man to fix your problems.

Sometimes your fierce, independent, fairy godmother is the only one who can wake you up. TC Mark

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